Married to someone with a mental disorder question?
Question:
Answers:
You can't feel responsible. You did the best you could. Don't beat yourself up. Get on with your life, and do what you can to make yourself happy.
It is quite common for people who have a personality disorder to perceive " things" differently than you. Since you know that you tried your best, just leave it at that. You cannot control her actions or what she tells others. In time, it will blow over anyway. Get your life back on track !
I agree with carolyn
wow this sounds like an enormous weight upon your shoulders. when a person has a mental illness or any kind of illness they need to realise it themselves, you cannot push someone into seeking help. help comes from within. im sorry to hear about your divorce. you could attempt to talk to her - but im sure you have tried, talk to a councellor or helpline about this and see if you can get professional advice over what to do.
i found myself going out with a person who was lovely then all of a sudden he would turn really agressive he never hit me but he sometimes went to with his fist clenched we lasted a month then i found i could deal with it anymore. i stood by him as a friend and then went to his session with a councellor with him and he found he had schitzofrenia. just becasue you having a divorce doesnt mean you cannot be friends and help her, becasue most people with mental disorder need someone close to help them. if she doesnt want the help then give her the space. There is nothing much more you can really do.
As an answer for youself mayb talking through with a councellor may help you to flatten out what has been going on recently and help you to make sense about it yourself. I think that is what you need to do - you need some help with this for yourself.
Take care.All the best for the future
xxxx
Yes -- I am married to a bipolar man whose behavior made our marriage nearly impossible. The only help I can imagine for you is to get her into treatment.
The thing I had to sort out was if I truly loved him, and then how much. I concluded he was worth it. However, he was self-medicating (with crack!), so it was a long shot. I INSISTED he get help, and it turned out he was so scared at what was going on with him that my insistence was a lifeline. He got his diagnosis (about 30 years late I feel but better late than ever), got medication and counseling, which will last a lifetime, and is greatly improved. He beat the addiction, and he now holds a job. His behavior is largely regulated.
At this point, I have dedicated my life to his well-being, just as I saw my mother do when my dad developed heart problems. On really bad days, I still question my decision to stay. But, hey, everyone has some bad days.
Bottom line, this is an illness. Don't give up, but don't expect that your own logic will prevail. She needs medical help, and if she gets it, you may find the situation turned around and life worth living again. Even if you have to leave, try to get her help, as it is the kind and proper thing to do.
Finally, find NAMI, the National Association for the Mentally Ill. They have classes and support groups, all free, that will help you enormously.
Good luck from someone who understands.
I recommend you go to http://www.facing-the-facts.net/index.ph... . It's a discussion forum for people who are in relationships with Borderlines, and those that have been in relationships with Borderlines.
I was married to someone who was mildly bi-polar, alcoholic and extremely narcissistic. He was also a misogynist and is obsessed with war and weapons.
For starters, you cannot allow her to be telling everyone you are abusive - lies like that can ruin people's lives - they get back to employers, friends, future relationships. I would suggest that you have your divorce attorney draft a letter to her AND her attorney that it has been brought to your attention that there have been accustions that you have abused her. " The allegations need to cease immediately because you do not with to sue her for slander. " Mentally ill or not, that will probably put an end to that lie. Even if you don't follow through with the suit, if she ever comes at you with that in the future, you have a record of your action in regard to the abuse.
I found a really good counselor who helped me sort through everything. People don't understand that when you live in that environment and have to live with that stress/pressure every single day, it does something to you. It does it's damage - some will never go away, but a lot of it will if you get the help you need. You have to realize that you did everything for her and for the marriage that you could (short of letting it kill you) and now you need to repair your injuries. If she does get back in touch with you and starts up with the screaming, simply tell her "we are no longer married and I will not allow you to treat me this way. I wish nothing but the best for you, but this conversation is over". Do that everytime you hear from her. Do not agree to meet her without your attorneys present - she could try to hurt you. Don't think that this is over-reacting. The narcissism is the one that is particularly dangerous. They feel that they are above everything including morality and the law. I will be thinking about you. Things will get better. Good luck!
Yes...I had the very same problem. My partner was also physically abusive. Unfortunately people with these types of personality disorders will NEVER admit that the problem is theirs. They may apologize for their behavior some times but they are convinced that you were wrong, not them. There is absolutely nothing you can do in this instance. I have seen counseling/medication and anger management fail time and again with these people. Despite your feelings for her you must decide whether or not you want to continue in this relationship as I seriously doubt that she will change. Also, the "victims" in these types of relationships often try to alter their own behavior patterns in order to improve the situation. This generally does not work and trying to prove to her that she has the problem is like beating your head against the wall. best wishes By the way...I spent several years in counseling trying to figure out why I was such a bad person. No therapist could come to the conclusion that the fault was mine and every one of them turned the conversation around to the other person's behavior and whether or not it was appropriate for me to seek counseling or seek a new direction in my personal life.
My exhusband and I were married for 5 years. I have bipolar disorder and so does he, although I believe his may border on schitzophrenia. Problem was when things were fine, we were fine. But given both of our mental problems, stressful situations made both of us suffer hells. I finally left him and was hospitalized and medicated. Since our divorce my life has consistantly gotten better. I think it was just too much for both of us to try to bear the other's problems.
As far as your wife blaming you for the marital troubles... all I can tell you is something my mother told me which in theory is very simple... "just because someone says something don't make it so" which was her country way of saying just cuz somebody says something doesn't mean it's true. You really have to just ignore what she's saying, accept she's mentally ill and go on with your life. You can't cure her and it's not your job. You don't have to make her better, you don't have to make everyone believe you or disbelieve her. Just let it go. Hanging onto drama will only make matters worse. Good luck & God bless.
i would divorce the women cause she will just make ur life a living hell and u will have to take care of her all the time
More Questions & Answers...