Ever stare at your meds and wonder if you have the guts to take them all?
Question:
Are you ever tired of hanging on to the end of your rope and feel it would be so much easier to just let go? Depression kills your soul from the inside out. Do you ever think that its just not worth it?
Answers:
I am a clinical supervisor and know all about meds. I also suffer from depression.
The next thing I say to you I know you will understand...It's like there is nothing really wrong in your life but you are depressed for seemingly no reason. And when we are depressed we don't think right. Sound familiar?
My friend, our depression has to include boundaries. Because if either of us took that whole bottle of pills, chances are we would not die. However, we would lose much of our own boundaries and we would have all kinds of other people making our boundaries which would go something like this..."Crap! I'm not dead, I'm even more depressed and now I can't even go outside without someone watching me.
Trust me, lose that wonder about the meds and find something to do to get out of your head.
Your friend
John
Also God offers much relief when asked
uh no
I have thought about it, but would never actually do anything to harm myself. Besides there are way more intresting ways to go, like sky diving, not taking pills.
Everyone has bad days, sometimes bad weeks, year. But it is not worth ending it all. Find a solution to problems. It takes more guts to end it, then to try a solve the problem. You need help, ask for it. NOTHING is worth dying. Think about the people you would hurt, if yor aren't around. Stop! and think.
Yeah I've been there. After I got out of the hospital I had these pain pills that I was told not to take too many of or I could overdose. I would lay at night and stare at them and think that if I took the whole bottle I wouldn't have to worry about any of this anymore. Then I would stop and think of how much it hurt my family to see me laying half dead in the hospital to start with. After that I decided that I could live with all of the hurt for a while for their sakes. They had already been through enough I didn't have the right to hurt them anymore. Things did eventually get better and I am happy now so it was worth it.
Yes. And I'm not going to be like everyone else and give you the whole "Get help. Hold on. "etc ****. I know how you feel. From the time the doctor prescibed my second anit-depressant when I noticed she DIDN'T say "It wont kill you to take them all..." Like she did last time. I have thought about it every time I get depressed and the only thing people will say to me is "Have you taken your meds?". Don't you just feel like saying. "Yeah...but not enough..."?
Sorry. I'm depressed today...I'm sure you don't care. I don't blame you. Good day.
Yea, I've fought it for years. I try to make sure I have a bit of an over supply, even though I probably won't use them unless I don't use plan A. I get very tired of hanging on to the end of the rope. Those that haven't been there don't understand and alot just want to judge.
At times, the only thing that has kept me from doing it, is the fact that i have cleaned up so many messes from suicides...and dealt with their families over many years of Fire/EMS work. Hate the thought of doing that to mine. the worst possible thing is to think about ita lone, so talk to somebody, force yourself to go to the ER if it gets bad, or if its' not that bad.get to an MD and mental health. Just hope the mental health is better than around here.
If you like, I can share with you stories of people I responded to that took pills as there way out. Some ended up far, far worse than dead. Email me or IM in Yahoo under mysihba if you like.cept it doesn't seem to be working.
SO...yes I know exactly how you feel. I can give you hundreds of reasons not to. Do take the responsibilty, while you still have it, to get help...right now, or tomorrow if you know you won't do anything tonight. Put the wheels in motions now for people to call, etc when you feel that way. Make a list of resources and keep them by your phone. Consider yourself lucky if you have many. I don't. That phone call is very hard to make !! even if you have a list. You need to decide you are "worth" living.cling to that until you get help.or at least talk to me
all the time but wouldnt want them to win now would we. we have to give them hell and not take the cowards way out. let them suffer for you and embrase the darkness. depression is a huge thing in my life that i cant seem to kill with anything besides hate, anger, but mostly laughter. sometimes its stand up or just making regulars jokes with friends but some time embrassing the evil works the best. its sad but true
I once researched every medication I had in my house, and how much of it I had to see what would be fatal and let me suffer least. I think I have a list in one of my journals somewhere.
A few months ago after my pet died a slow, ugly death. I held my newly refilled Ambien bottle in my hand and stared at it for about 5 minutes. Certainly 60 of those would do the trick.
But the spell snapped and I put it back in the cabinet. I've never been suicidal before or since. I think it was just a moment, but it was freaky.
I think everybody with a stock of medication wonders at least once, but please push that thought out of your mind.
I hope you feel better soon!
I have definately been there when I was a teen. Now that I have my own kids though, I couldn't image thinking that. I agree with depression killing you mentally though. You may not be physically dead, but mentally you are numb. Good Luck!
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