Why can't i look people in the eye?
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You might have an autism-spectrum disorder. People with these (myself included) often feel extremely uncomfortable making eye contact.
What is your sign - I would guess Pisces but I could be wrong. :) Sometimes people are born with gifts or abilities like yours. It can be scary until you learn how to use it or work with it. Tell me a little more about yourself and I think I can help.
I was born with similar gifts..
here is one person's thoughts ...
You may be aware that many people consider the eyes to be "windows to the soul." Looking into another person's eyes can be a very intimate act. We may feel as though we're seeing more of the "real person" as compared to the mask or persona many of us don for more superficial interactions. And, of course, we may feel the other person is also seeing more of us.
Sometimes we're afraid of what others might see when they look into our eyes, usually because we're uncomfortable or ashamed of some aspect of ourselves. We may be afraid of what we'll see reflected in the other's eyes. We may fear exposure or rejection of the "real" us. Or we might be afraid of seeing love or caring or acceptance in the other's eyes, feeling we don't deserve such kindness or that it might lead to a more emotionally or, perhaps, physically, intimate relationship. If we've been hurt or betrayed in other intimate relationships (whether with friends, lovers or family members), we may be especially reluctant.
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I have had trouble looking people in the eye as well.
I have discovered that it is due to my step-mother (think Cinderella) telling me not to stare at people. I would barely even glance their way and she would tell me to stop staring. I was told to stop looking at people.
At the age of 45 I still look at the floor or pavement when I walk and I rarely make eye contact with others - unless I trust them 100%.
I have been told that people who don't look others in the eye when speaking are liars. I disagree. I am not a liar, just a child of mental and emotional abuse. It is only with years of therapy that I am finally able to undo all those brutal "tapes".
Good Luck!
It is normal for the bashful people couldn’t look someone in the eyes. I think it might be combination of you was bashful, nerves, and prepare to say the right thing to people or for that job interview.
Good for you, you go on about what a good Christian you are, then ask us for help. I'm about the farthest thing you can get from being a Christian and it's clear to me what you need to do. Pray for knowledge and strength to over come what you feel is a problem.
See the self esteem/confidence websites in the depression treatments section of http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris... on page 2.
You are focusing on how you feel rather than on the other person.
Focus on reading the other person. Their body language is as important as their eyes. Like how they stand and what they do with their hands.
Get a book on communications and body language and learn a system. Then you can think about the system rather than focus on your feelings.
I too was uncomfortable looking at people. And staring at their eyes makes them uncomfortable.
So just take a quick glance at their faces every so often to read what you see there.
If you are talking to them, looking at them every so often gives you an idea of when they are about to finish talking.
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I live in Houston and I only went to Lakewood a few times. No chance encounters with ushers though.
Anyhow. As you know we are all called by God to serve his purpose, whether we call ourselves Christians or not. Knowing this, you as a Christian should also know that whom God calls he also equips. God would never call you to do something he didn't give you the power to do.
This gift may seem like a curse to you then. but you don't know how much of a blessing it is now. It looks to me like you are developing the gift of descerment but you never gave the flower a chance to bloom before you covered it with a basket and stifled it of life.
God can only make you into what you let him make you. Go back to your duties, return to your calling. Keep looking people in the eyes. Look even deeper search farther into them and let this thing flourish. If it is Gods will who are you to deny it. Become his instrument.
I see it as him preparing you to deal with his flock. To be able to descern the diseased from the whole. To observe spots and blemishes on his fold. When you look into someone's eyes and you see the grief of loss then it will allow you to best minister compassion to that person. When you look into someone's eyes and you see the dispair of loneliness, it will empower your smile to provide hope of companinionship. When you look into those eyes and you see shame and guilt it will allow your love to forgive all. My friend, who would deny themselves the awesome power of this gift.
Otherwise if you are really going crazy, would there actually be anything you can do about it, besides self medicate?(assisted reluctance.)
Peace be with you.
Maybe you suffer from a social anxiety disorder. My small group leader suffered from this. I never knew it until he told the congregation about it when he was a guest speaker on Sunday morning. You would never know it to look at him ordinarily. He worked as an emergency room physician, was on the church board, and came across as an outgoing, welcoming person who seemed confident of himself.
Yet apparently he struggled with social anxiety such that sometimes he would have to leave his groceries at the store and run away from the clerk, for example. In spite of this, God has used him greatly in many people's lives. He made a difference for God here in the U.S., and now he and his wife and children are missionaries in Brazil.
Don't let your imperfections keep you from serving God. If only perfect people could make a difference for God, who would be able to do so? 2 Corinthians 4:7 says: "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."
Another possibility besides social anxiety disorder is: it could be that, because you have struggled with depression in the past, you are overly self-conscious, and then it just gets awkward. You know that in order to appear self-confident you should make eye-contact, and then you feel like you're staring (which maybe you are; maybe you're overcompensating).
I suggest reading two books:
"Put Your Best Foot Forward: Make a Great Impression by Taking Control of How Others See You" by Jo-Ellan Dimitrius & Mark Mazzarella, a secular book about presenting the best body language and appearance (which should give you some good ideas, but don't take away from it the message: "I must be perfect in order to make a good impression"; don't take it that seriously); and
"The Confident Woman" by Joyce Meyer, a Christian book by a famous inspirational speaker: http://www.joycemeyer.org/.
Also, when people are talking to you, if you are focusing mentally on the fear that they will think you are lying (or some other negative thing), you will actually convey that impression that you fear to convey. Fear is from the enemy. When thoughts like that attack your mind, counteract them by deliberately focusing on what you want to be true: "I'm afraid this person won't believe me...No; God, I ask in Your Name that You will give me supernatural favor with this person, and I have faith that You will convey to them that I am being honest."
For this issue, I recommend two Christian books: "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer and "The Blessing of Favor" by Kate McVeigh.
If your difficulties are the result of serious depression, social anxiety disorder, or that autistic thing that another person mentioned, or some other such problem, don't be ashamed to seek help from a professional counselor.
"Good Christians" are NOT people who have their lives all "together;" we are broken and needy people like everyone else, but we acknowledge our need of God. Sometimes God wants to work through other people.
God bless!
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