Self worth, mental health, not needing anyone but yourself?

Question:

When I first met my boyfriend, I could clearly feel and think to myself that I don't NEED him. That yes, I have a good time with him, I like him a lot, but I wouldn't be completely broken up if I didn't have him. As we got further into the relationship, I have noticed myself growing more attached to the point of needing him. I don't love him, but I do like him a lot and want to stay with him. I do NOT, however, want to be dependent on him or being jealous of other girls. It's getting to the point of almost trying to fill parts of myself by changing him to 'suit' me. When I met him, I didn't try to change him, I accepted him because I knew I could always turn around and leave. I want to go back to that point; to the point of not over analyzing and thinking for myself. Being able to wake up and seeing myself happy and healthy without him. I think it has to do with self worth and dependency issues. Does anyone have any ideas on how this can be 'fixed'?

Answers:
That was a pretty good rant...you may want to sit back and rethink your relationship. Perhaps you should talk to a councilor about it as well. OK you added that you can't take to a therapist...why not? I really think it would be the best for all involved!

You do know what you need, yet sometimes, like everyone, you do WANT to take control. You're not God, allow yourself to fall sometimes. There's nothing to fix here.

Life is good for you, still, it's better when shared...

It's pretty impressive that you can recognize a problem in your point of view, and that you are willing to change it.

I think you may need to spend some time for yourself. I mean something that he is not involved. In general, it's not a good idea to keep all your eggs in one basket. You need to have several different things in your life that make you happy, and feel proud of yourself.

Anyway, don't worry too much. It's only natural if you feel more and more attached to someone you have a relationship with.

Absolutely this can be 'fixed' and it has to do with changing how you perceive the situation. One thing that would really help is building a stronger self-concept and being true to yourself. Work on personal development and not only will you feel better about yourself, you will be more interesting, have more interests and enjoy life more.

Resentment and anger are often the product of a relationship that is off balance. Like yours. Your feelings have grown and his have not. Because you feel more attached and he is unwilling to be attached you feel rejection and it comes out in being annoyed by the fact he is where you want to be in the relationship. Talk to him about a future for you two and if it's not there you'd better move on or develop an " I don't care" attitude. Don't ruin your self-worth over someone who won't share your commitment to the relationship.

Sweety you do need to have someone, preferably an adult relative to talk to. Also expand your horizons! You are obsessing about this one person and every single time that you can divert your attention and thoughts a way from him, you will become more confident and stronger. Then your self esteem will improve also. Good luck to you, hon!

I can suggest 2 things.

1. Each day think of the things that you like about your bf. What was it that attracted you to him in the first place? What do you like about him?

2. Get a copy of "Self Analysis" by L. Ron Hubbard, it has mental exercises you can do that are amazing to say the least.

You can order it from the website below.

Warning about Dazza's post. The link he sends you to goes to the cult of scientology. If you buy one book from them they will harass you forever for money and to join.

I hate it when posters are unhonest with their connections. Shame on you Dazza.

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Wow! It sounds to me like you might be in love with this guy and are trying to sabotage it.

Most women would have walked away. Part of being in love is becoming somewhat dependent upon the other person. I'm guessing you have a strong stubborn streak and want to know that you don't need anyone. Unfortunately, most of us do need someone.

Trying to change him, why? You like him..."You have a good thing." But a lot of people don't, for one reason or another, want to be in love. Therefore, yourself denies it and comes up with ways to sabotage it.

If you are in love, as I suspect, it won't be "fixed" until you face it.
People get so caught up in naming what they feel and don't feel. Sometimes, there are just too many emotions going on to separate them.

sounds like co dependency. what do you do for yourself? do you do anything with friends? you can check on this online and read some books in the library. work towards getting healthier. focus on the positive . there are no perfect relationships. when it gets to this point you have to step back and take a break. have some fun. why do you want to be with someone that you don't love?

Self worth, mental health, not needing anyone but yourself?

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