A poem. what do you think? (warning: dark)?
Question:
that fall, it seems, for years.
a darkened sky, a darkened world,
and you've lost your hand to hold.
you stand there, blood mixing with the rain,
a means to an end in your grasp.
a bang, and a bullet to the brain,
swift end to a painful past.
Answers:
warning: cliche
I love it. Write more. =)
It makes me sad :**[
wow thats deep i luv it!!:~)
yawn
yes , dark
Beautiful! I love dark poetry! For some reason it reminds me of some of Edgar Allan Poe's work.
Good imagery. I hope this is not a foreboding. It is very dark and sad.
um, you need a shrink. a bullet will just add more pain while youre sitting in prison and getting harassed by inmates.
thats great well done
The beginning is a bit odd. I get that the rain hides the tears and that the sadness seems to be limitless, but the rain would not be falling for years.
The blood mixed with rain seems a bit cliche, and I don't know how blood would be there before the gun was shot because I doubt someone would self-harm and then kill themselves at the same time.
I like the last three lines, though. I would like it to say "the means..." rather than "a means" and the last line to say "give swift..." because otherwise it is not a complete sentance... if you're worried about that.
Go over your grammar again, too.
I like the visual I get when I read this, though.
AABBCCDD
Agh! I dislike this rhyme scheme.
Beautiful just beautiful , its so dark and so sad . Keep writing poems like this one . OK
I love it..post some more:P
im drunk
Thats good! Write some more, it helps me feel better.
Well, it sounds like a cry for help. It sounds like the person lost someone close, and is reaching out to everyone for support. As far as literary, it can mean it is a murder/suicide, but the poem really isn't that clear. maybe it needs to be re-written to give the reader a little more understanding of the blood mixing with the rain BEFORE the bullet to the brain. But definately a cry for help.
wo as someone who also writes poems that is really good, really deep, your tone is really nice and so is your word choice! keep up the awesome writing!
Sounds like you have lost a loved one. It's true what they say...
time heals..
The fourth line confusing me a bit and I think you could have made it a bit longer. I always hate when people tell me to make my poems longer so I also think it could be good at the length it is. Just re-work it a bit and it could sound like it flows better. I do like it, it just sounds like an idea for a poem to me though.
Once again, i love your poetry... i love the pain and depression expressed in them, i can relate. the lost feeling, the loneliness and the sorrow... keep writing!
u wrote that by yourself? that was great. better than i can do...
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