I have low self esteem...any remedies to cure it?
Question:
I can stick up for myself now, and i wont put up wioth any s*** thrown at me, but its just i find it hard to wear nice clothes that dont make me look fat.
The only time i am free is when i am drunk. An i cant be drunk the whole time. I really need to build it up an learn.
I tried excersises to build it, an that helped but not enough, i have a councellor an i been doing tasks given to me, by speaking up in class about things, not being afraid. when i stand in front of a class, my heart can been seen through my top, i shake stutter an make a fool out of myself which makes it worse because then i dont want to do things. I feel stuck. Help!
Answers:
try this
https://paydotcom.com/r/11517/benthaleb/...
it has helped many people, good luck!
How old are you? If its these stupid little kids are teasing you then just forget about them. If you're older, it's good to have low self-esteem. I don't like confident people. It's good to self-deprecate.
I'd suggest checking out www.rebt.org; this is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy (called Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy). The guy that founded this school in the 50s, Albert Ellis, recently passed away. He's considered on of the founders of CBT.
That "nagging in your head" would be termed an "Irrational Belief," or IB (in the REBT nomenclature). Your task is to dispute these beliefs, and subsequently replacing them with new, more logical (or rational) beliefs. It would seem the biggest one for you is being able to accept yourself unconditionally--that is, your self-worth is NOT tied up in your weight, your looks, the size of your dick, etc. You are simply worthwhile because you ARE. You ARE a human being, who happens to be somewhat overweight, etc.
I'd also encourage you to consider some counseling sessions with an experienced counselor, preferably someone experienced in CBT/REBT. Good luck!
Wow i can totaly relate cos i was bullied in highschool just cos i was the new kid from a private school so i didn't fit in i'm 19 now and although things have drastically improved (i never use to leave the house alone or even order any thing in a shop on my own or have the courage to even speak to my mates) getting a job really helps as you mix with people get use to them. I still end up being told i'm too quite and i'm not that keen on public speaking either. Practise is the only thing really with public speaking as well as remembering they don't expect you to be perfect as long as you deliver a few helpful points and not to care what people think of you thats another one. if you want e-mail me adress in my info. good luck :)
Well u have the support..just be patient
You should start helping yourself by reading from many various sources, on subjects concerning the self, positive thinking and understanding humanity in general. When I was a young teenager, I was going through what you're now going through - low self esteem. I picked up, Dale Carnegie's, "The Power of Positive Thinking" and "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It really really helped me to start on the right path for myself. Those books led to others and I was on my way.
Recently, I discovered a site run by a very wise young man who leads groups for personal and spiritual enlightenment. It's at ameekpress.com. His name is Stephen D'Amico. When you read what he has to say, you'll begin to realize the common thread running beneath the surface of all human beings. No one is better or superior to anyone else. We are all equal beings. Stephen had a life-altering mind-blowing experience several years ago at the ripe age of 22. While meditating that day, he went into a deeper state than usual and experienced an encounter with some higher power that forever change him. He lost a lot of personal fears that day and hasn't looked back. I also know him as he's a friend of mine.
You see, there is a supremely intelligent force behind all life as we know it. And it is possible, for each one of us, to come to know this source of wisdom. It's not supernatural or voo-doo or anything stupid. So don't think I'm ditzing you! It's called enlightenment! There is also another site that can help you get there. It's at centerpointe.com. They have this amazing program where you sit and listen to these CD's that train your brain into accessing both sides of the brain at the same time. It's called whole brain thinking. Most people think with one side of the brain or the other. Geniuses and highly effective people use both sides of their brains. So you can change your brain and it will change you and your life. You'll become more confident, more centered. But it's a growth process. It won't happen overnight, but you keep working at it and you'll begin to feel better. I'm doing the program myself right now. It's called the Awakening Prologue. Anyways, you have to start somewhere. But there's a whole community of others out there that want to feel better as you do, and they are all discovering that all answers to any dilemma, do lie within yourself. But you have to know how to open up that source with the right approach. Another site you could go to, that will give you more clues as to finding personal actualization is wie.com. The wie, stands for "What is Enlightenment?" They also publish a magazine that can be subscribed to. It'll all help you, find who you really are.
Stephen who has seen and gone beyond to his inner higher source, actually gets wisdom and knowledge that helps him lead his daily life with greater confidence, as the "blindly stumbling through life" scenario is gone from his life. He often knows ahead of time, what direction he should take. He is guided by this inner knowing. You could also read books by Dr. Wayne Dyer. A really good one, is called, "The Power of Intention". Deepak Chopra is awesome too. He's written many, so pick a title that sounds like it'll match your problem.
There's another site you can access. It's called meetup.com. You can actually join groups in your city or area that deal in enlightenment. Just look it up under that category. And you know, whether you realize it or not, the great majority of people feel inside, as you do. Many feel as you do, this great inner insecurity and self-doubt and everyone hides it from everyone else! But that's why you're alive in the first place. You're here to find yourself! So begin the search! See what you can find with the clues I've given you. I'm a work in progress too. I'm not as all seeing and all knowing as my friend, Stephen, but I know I'll get there too. I am certainly far better off than I was even five years ago. I'm on my way and I'm not looking back either! And I'm glad you're realizing that being drunk is not the way. It isn't! You need to have a mind to find your way with anything in life. Being drunk only takes your mind away from you! So cancel the blotto routine and start searching for true, honest reality!
Poor you Ash. Let's get something straight.
YOU ARE AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE.
It sounds as if the counselling is doing you good, so do stick with it and do the tasks he/she sets. A counsellor once told me 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. Every time you do something and nothing bad happens makes you less afraid of it. So by facing your demons you get rid of them.
Please honey, don't resort to alcohol. This will only add to your problems. Everyone likes a drink - no one likes a drunk! Drinking leads to addiction, long term depression and illness - no good
Good luck honey. God bless.
Therapy is a good idea, but I am a therapist and when I am working with someone with low self-esteem, I work with them to do the following things:
Read a good book on positive self talk or positive self affirmations. Coping.org has some good workbooks that are free.
Everytime you look in a mirror, say one positive thing about yourself, no matter how small you might think it is.
Talk your large goals, and break them down into smaller ones. Example, if you want to go to college, don't use your goal as "going to college." Make completing your application a goal. Make getting reccomendations a goal. Make applying for financial aid a goal. etc. Accomplishing goals helps with self-esteem. Not obtaining them, hurts it.
Sounds like maybe a little bit of social anxiety, talk to your doctor about maybe putting you on paxil, lexapro, zoloft, or something.
Stay active. No matter how bad your self esteem is, how depressed you are, how anxious you are, do not allow it to win. Exercise, hang out with friends, join a club or sports team, etc.
Talk about it to people you trust. They'll probably say nice things to you...so listen to them, it'll help.
Make flash cards with nice things about yourself. Ask friends, family, your therapist to help you. Put them in a box on your dressor, each time you feel bad about yourself, pull one out, read it, and think about it.
I hope I can help some.
It sounds like you have quite a high degree of social anxiety.There aren't any magical cures for this,but I would advise you to try and continue to do as much as possible.The worst thing that you can do is hide away,and withdraw from the situation.This will bring temporary relief,but in the long run will make things much worse for you.It's good that you've recognised your problem,and are getting help for it.You're still very young,and you may find that in a few years that you grow out of this phase,and become more confident in yourself.
You are not alone in this world..
Don't deprive yourself of your self-worth!!
You only need a HELPING HAND,
just like anyone else out who does at any point of their lives!!
Look no further than where you are already at!!
Your self-worth needs just that little boosting
You would be able to get more help from the review below
http://hubpages.com/hub/selfesteemworkbo...
If you can't do it then act. I have got through education and half of life fighting by what you say but I don't even think about it... not the flesh stuff but the rest... by acting I have done okay and made friends and stuff and done everything except
Act? Why? I don't believe we are born happy happy if we get where you are. Therefore you have to seek out the few things that can make you happy that you can control: once before going to school I had had enough of being negative so got high on humour, listening to my favorite show until I was falling down with laughter. When i went to schooll i realised that I couldn't carry it on but I saw that having had that burden lifted off me I could see those others who wanted to be firends but were just rubbish at it. So I had to take the lead and try and do the things I wanted to do, for myself...
Control? Drinking is a start. Ever lived with an alcoholic? No? Well to me you don't sound like someone who is. So the first thing you can do is simply as you say leave that for when you want it. But drinking ain't going to help if you do it because you are week. Be strong and take control of your drinking: drink when you want to not because "oh, I need it." From what you say I think you have it in you to enjoy drinking or to put it aside for a bit: i could be wrong, but imagine how strong that is.
Oh and no-one is an expert on you now you've studied yourself so well,. So try and be an expert on everything else, why don't you. All the Best,
TR
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