Some issues.?
Question:
The other day I almost cut myself (I have not SI'd for a month or two) I had the razor in my hand but managed to talk myself out of it. I did take some pills the next day though, and I've just felt horrible all of this week, more than usual.
How can I make some of these feelings go away? I am sick of living like this, I feel horrible almost all the time (refer to some of my other questions). I felt happy and that things were getting better when I decided to apply to college, but now I am back in my old state of mind, sometimes feeling worse than before. I feel like I am never meant to see success and that my dreams mean nothing and will never materialize.
Answers:
Please see a mental health professional. What you describe sounds like a disorder that is treatable with education and possible medication. They can help you learn ways to deal with the mood swings you are having. If you feel like you want to hurt yourself call someone and talk it out, til the feelings are gone or you and the person on the other end have worked out a plan for safety.
I have ben here before. See a psychologist. I did! I was prescribed prozac for my depression and ativan for anxiety. You can overcome this. Also it is importaint to talk so feel free to email me or IM me.
Everything will be ok. It just takes time.
If you have a DREAM ~ you gotta stay focused on it and keep moving toward it. You are going to have great days, good days and then not so good days in getting closer to your dream. But that is LIFE. We all experience those kinds of days. But regardless of what yuor parents think or say, keep after your dream. You are NOT your parents. You control your own destiny. If you want something ~ you can get it. Don't get distracted, stay focused and get whatever help you need from the career/education counselors at college.
GREAT that you are going to college and want to make soemthing out of your life. It won't always be easy. What ever is worth doing is worth doing well and is not going to be a "piece of cake". Stick with it. When you look back ~ it will be so worth the effort. Picture yourself SUCCESSFUL ~ and you will be SUCCESSFUL !
First, I'm not a Dr. or therapist, but at 49 I am a survivor of some hella deep depression, including suicidal depression for several years after the death of my 11 month old son when I was 17.
First, I'm wondering if you applied to collage for yourself or to try and please your parents? You seemed disappointed that they don't seem to care. Maybe you don't really care for school and so applying now without getting the approval of your folks has made it a hollow victory? Maybe some trade school or something like the Peace corps or even a branch of the military?
The cutting on yourself is also familiar to me, and was a hard one to stop. For me, it was punishment for failing (somehow?) my parents, guilt for my son's death, a cry for help and a way of distracting myself from the terrible emotional pain I was in by having physical pain to deal with instead.(MUCH easier to deal with than emotional). Good for you for coming so close and stopping yourself!
I think maybe you need to keep yourself really busy with something that makes you feel good about yourself. I think you must live near or with your parents, and this can make life more difficult. Consider moving away, maybe training for a career which has you traveling (Airline hostess? Cruise ship attendant? Foreign Legion?) For me, helping others take care of their children, or helping people temporarily helpless helped me exonerate my 'sins' and their gratitude helped my self esteem. You need to do things for yourself that impress YOU, not your folks.
There are a ton of 'anti-depression' drugs on the market, and I think they are HORRIBLY over prescribed. They have become a catch all answer for people looking for a 'quick fix'. They don't help you deal with the things that are making you depressed, they just alter the actions of the synapses in your brain. They won't help you heal , they'll just postpone you getting in touch with yourself and give those around you a false sense of relief that you're being 'cured'.
As far as suicide and cutting, it took me 25 years to forgive myself and heal myself from my son's death, but the last 9, I've been very glad I hung in there and kept looking for answers to me. There is light out there, keep fighting for yourself. You're worth it!
Good Luck,
Sky
Do something, any thing that is constructive.
Quit laving around & feeling sorry for your self.
It may not be easy but look for a purpose in life & I am sure that you will find one.
Just remember it just takes baby steps to get you going on the right track.
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