Please help, i need advice!!?
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I think the last thing anyone would want is for someone who is signing up to serve and protect to be the kind of person who does not want to save and protect herself. Think about it really. No job, no money. What about you not caring enough for your bloody life, what's money and job going to do for you in that scenario. That's right. Nothing. You, however, should not consider the mental hospital as a cure-all. Because, true, you may feel safe there, true, you may be less likely to carry out the whole Virginia Wolf thing or whatever fatalist artist stunt in there. But honey seriously, by entering a mental hospital again you are delaying the real healing of your wounds. Not physical wounds of course. You are putting off real health for the illusion of safety, the idea of staying alive isn't enough for you it seems. It looks like you want to be constantly rescued, specially from yourself. Perhaps it would be good if you stopped putting the responsibility of your life on the hands of health care providers and assigned the job to yourself. Do you want to live or not? It looks like you do, because at least you are reaching out, at least you believe something can save you and keep you safe from harm. It all came from you in the first place, the desire to ask for help, as well as the desire to self destroy. It is like that in everyone, for one thing, this is entirely true if u want to believe in it: you are not alone. Sounds boring and cliche like but believe what you will. I believe it is your actions that decide your fate ultimately, we all have the desire to live and the tendency to self destroy, but it is what you choose what plays the ultimate role. So, first, cut the whinning. If you are still alive then by god or whatever sort of divineness, start living a little. Try to do some things you enjoy doing that ARE NOT SELF DESTRUCTIVE SILLY. No cutting please. If you feel the need to cut, then why don't u go to the butcher and ask for a big ol piece of meat. Go home slice and dice chop and mince. make yourself a delicious meal. Feel it as it gives you life, fills you with energy. Do things you enjoy ok? Think about them, be thankful for them. If you need some sort of guidance, and believe in any kind of religion then by all means seek help. I do not advice religion because some will judge u badly, but if you like it and think it'll work, then go right ahead. I enjoyed one documentary that says a lot of interesting things on how to look at life. It is called "The Secret" easy to come by.
If anything sweetie, only you and you alone can save yourself. Dont put off real healing for temporary relief of symptoms ok? If you are going to seek for proffesional help, ask for references, don't just go to the first shrink in town. I hope this helps. If you want to contact me i think there is a way tru this system that u can email me or whatnot. You'll see, if you decide what's best, all will be fine.
I can understand wanting to go back somewhere that felt safe
have you tried to find free counseling in you re area or some therapist will work on a sliding fee scale
do you have Friends to talk to when you are having urges
you could also look up list of thing to do when you want to cut or hurt youre self there are a bunch online
hope you figure something out
See self harm, and suicidal thoughts, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris... on pages 16, and 5. You are probably worried about being shipped out, which is what is motivating this desire for a haven, but think about the opportunity you would be losing, for only a relatively small risk. Study the statistics: there should be someone there who can provide information, and counselling. I ride a motorbike, and have been knocked off it twice by out of control cars, over my side of the road; the last time was a hit and run: I'm still riding!
I cant believe they let you in the airforce. I was always told that if you had ever been in mental hospital or put on any time of pshchotropic meds that you couldnt. huh. Crazy. If you have insurance then see a doctor. I dont really know of any other suggestions. More than likely if the Airforce finds out about this they might put you in the hospital anyways.
I was in the Air Force when I first saw a pych doctor for depression. My experience with this is do not do it unless you feel it is extremely necessary. I was a cop and they took my firearm away because of the medicine that the doc put me on. I was able to stay in the AF for a littel over four years and the doctor said that I had to get out due to inability to adapt. Do not tell them you have had problems since a child, then they will not service connect you for your problems! They began in the Air Force! I am out now and my service connection completely paid for my college degree. The VA hospital is where i go for my medical and costs nothing. I also was able to get medical assistance while I was job searching and it was my insurance. Do what you feel is necessary---you surely cannot be functioning well like you described, but please take my advice.
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