What can I do about the horrible loneliness of being a 61 yr. old widow. I am so depressed alot.?
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My heart goes out to you, honey. I don't know what I will do without my guy.
Hopefully what I am telling you, I will do as well.
First thing.Take refuge in your religion. If you don't have a refuge, this might be a good time to discover what you believe and hope about life and death. It may be very soothing, and give you a deep sense of life unfolding as it "should." Personally, I am a Buddhist, and I find get strength and peace in it. It helps to remind me that we are bags of skin and will return to the spirit from which we came. It reminds me to be loving and kind, harmless, and not greedy.
If you are sad and wretched for more than a couple of weeks, which you will be, please seek professional help. This is not to imply that you are crazy or should get over it.
On the contrary, it means that you-by yourself-have to figure out how to make the rest of your life meaningful, and to honor the love of your life, by being IN life. You know, he would want you to have a nice life-useful and pleasant, despite losing your partner. You would want him to love life and do something good if he was here and you were gone, right?
Not just to sit around miserable every day, right?
Next, if you work, take a part-time job at night-or volunteer somewhere you love-like the symphony or theatre. Even the zoo or a museum. This will get you off the couch and dressed and out the door a couple night a week, so you are not becoming a couch-cushion. It will make nights go along faster, and give you new people to meet. Don't tell anyone about your loss. Start new.
Take really good care of your health. Go to the doctor and get a check-up. Eat well. Take all the junk out of your house. Keep fresh fruit and vegetables on the table so you remember to eat them.
Take up some sort of exercise-real exercise, not shopping or sitting in the yard. Go for short walks and go a little further every day. Buy some dumb-bells and do light weights Take a yoga class, or start swimming. Do something every day. Not as punishment, or to "get in shape" but because it makes you feel so good afterward. It makes your skin and body and mind jump for joy!
Get a haircut. Dye your hair -something mild. Not orange or black. Have your nails done, take bubble baths.
Pamper yourself, but not with food or stuff. Do nice things.
Go on a vacation with a grand daughter or neice or sister. Go fishing, or antiquing or horseback riding.
Go on a cruise or some other vacation that your husband didn't WANT to go on-but YOU do.
If you still have time to be horribly lonely, volunteer to read at a hospice or hospital. Write letters for older people or kids.
Every where you look there is someone who needs you.
Every where you go, say nothing about being a widow, or being depressed or sad. You can still feel those things, but new people will not be nearly as sympathetic as you would like.
Give others (and yourself) a chance to get acquainted with the YOU that is in there- and not part of a couple.
You are in the world by yourself-married or not. In love or not. You breathe for yourself, ache for yourself. overeat all by yourself., and cry alone. No one can live your life for you. No one can die for you, either.
Make the most of the 20 + years you have to learn, explore, love, and discover. And honor your marriage and its gifts by being the best person you know how to be, because you knew and loved so deeply.
You will always love him, miss him, and be lonely but you can also use the time to cherish your life, reach out to others who are in pain, and take good care of the bag of skin you have.
Please contact me if you would care to correspond.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Perhaps you could contact family members and get together for lunch, go out to the movies etc... If there is no family around you could join a local club or organization. Lots of them are usually listed in your local newspaper. Maybe even seek counseling, so that you have someone to talk to about your feelings.
You may want to talk to a doctor about it, but an easier solution may be to seek out a few new friends, or even old ones. I am being treated for depression, and on days that i feel like crap if I talk to someone (it doesn't matter who or what I talk about) i always feel better. I try to stay away from talking about how I feel, and just try to have a normal conversation about anything else.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband left a big hole in your life and it takes time to fill it up. At 61 your life is not over yet. For first aid go to the AARP chapter in your town and look around for some activities in your town to just get out of the house. Also, check out hospitals and churches for support groups. And think back, was there anything you always wanted to learn when you had the time? Maybe a hobby, a craft? You do have the time now as sad as it is. If you dont open the front door and walk through it to join life again, nobody will know how lonely you are. Good luck, healing from such a profound loss takes time.
Join a good church and go help some one in need.
GOd loives you and he gave you the most wonderful husband. IF you want another one you are entitled to it aand allowed. JUst make sure you get a good one and the best ones are the ones in chuirches who are doing a lot for JEsus and to help other persons.
Dear GOd tech us your truth and help us to find your answer.
Abraham had a second wife and a wonder ful second life after his first partner went home to be with the GOD Abraham loved followed and served.
I am truely sorry for your loss.
Have you tried support groups? If you go to church, are there any activity groups or something like that you could try for companionship?
Again, I am very sorry and I wish you the best.
You will fill like that for sometime. He was the Love of you're life It will be hard to go on...Get in a group with other that have lost their spouses and talk about the big change in their life ... how they do move on and start living again//// They do lots of things together to keep from being lonely..But you're first husband he will always be you're first love..
even if you get out and meet other people...
Hi. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a life partner must be just awful and I can't even imagine your pain! I'll bet he wouldn't want to see you so sad and depressed tho. I think you should go see a grief counselor. Maybe get some antidepressents for the time being. Grief in it's fullest can be the loneliest time ever. Your'e stiil relatively a young woman still. What are your passions? Do you love animals? Why not volunteer at a shelter. Or at a hospice store. Do you have a pet? If not, would you consider adopting one? Do you have a friend you can just go shopping with? Spend some money on something frivolous. Ever thought of a tattoo or an extra ear piercing? Maybe join a gym. Do you have grandkids that you can take for a weekend and take to a movie or the zoo? Or take a college course on something that really interests you. I know it may be too soon for big life changes, but there will come a time where you need to realize your'e alive! You will see your beloved husband again, but for now you must carry on. Be all that you can . Remember, your'e still a young chick in todays world!
My sympathy. Have you considered getting a roommate?
Do you have a good church? I'll pray for you. Psalms in the Bible are very comforting.
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