I want to understand why life has been so hard for me.?


Question:
I have so many problems with people. I went a little nuts when I was in my teen years and hurt my family. I was a druggie, runaway etc... That was 30 years ago and I have changed I am married and intelligent and am pursing a degree and have had great jobs yet, none of them want to see me. I don't understand why I lose jobs so often. I can't seem to get a grip on keeping them. I just got laid off because of a buy out and last in first out status caused me to be jobless. I can't pay my mortgage this month and my credit hit bottom this year because of my employment problems. I am so unhappy and even if I took psychotropic drugs it wouldn't change the facts. I am a survivor but not by choice, it is engrained in me I suppose. I never stop trying but I am so tired of trying. I have married 4 times and all of them abusive. I gained weight because the comfort of food masked the pain. Now, I am praying that God takes me away. What is your comment? I would like to know. Latent millionaire

Answers:
Dudette, take it from me: you're not the only one who feels this way. My life has been going south for the past ten years; just waking up every day has gotten to be a pain in the ***. Ya gotta keep plugging, though, cuz snuffing yourself is the pu$$y way out, and no one's gonna remember me as a pu$$y.

I saw this article and printed it. It makes a lot of sense without being trite or simplistic. Check it out.

{EDIT} In this context, the otherwise offensive word has NOTHING to do with the female pudendum.
The hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it. You'll go through the motions in life but there is always a happy side to anything that is nnegative, you're not telling us about the goo side of your life.which I'm sure some good stuff has to happen. Live through it lik ethe rest of us.
boooooo ******* hoooooooo. there are millions of refugees and people who go through unbearable nightmares from the day they are born. **** you! Self pity just makes me wanna come over there and **** you up myself...ill save God the trouble. suck it up man!

somebody should have said this to you a long time ago.then you probably wudnt be in all this ****.
First and foremost, you need to forgive yourself before you can expect others to forgive you. Next, if they still choose not to see you after you have turned your life around, it becomes their problem, not yours. You cannot control what other people think. You can, however, change their perception of you..their perception of you is a reflection of what you think of yourself.

Remember this..thoughts become things; your thoughts become things.
I suppose that when you hurt the people who have invested time and energy into you they have to weigh if it is worth it to "begin again". They obviously don't know the person that you have become and even though they are family what has happened in the past is still very real to them but you should explore those past relationships, where they healthy?. It sounds like for you it is about money but sucess is not about how much money you make. It also sounds like you have had problems from youth, maybe if you go back and explore what happened to cause you to do drugs in the first place when you were younger you may find your answer. It was drugs then when you stopped it seemed to be abusive relationships, and now you are trying to "stuff" your feelings with food. You need to go back to the first self-distructive thing that you began doing to understand why it began and talk to someone about it. .
my opinion is that maybe you like screwing up. (sorry couldnt think of a softer word)
I think you like the challenge and the non-stress of your life always changing. There is no problem in that but don't get married unless you want to be with them for the rest of your life.
I also think you like sympathy just to talk about yourself.

so, In my useless opinion, I think you are self -centred but open about it.
I live with a person who had a car accident in Feb and may NEVER walk again. Going to the toilet is indescribeable and just getting out of bed is no easy task. She is constantly in pain and cant sleep more than two hours without waking up in pain.

Not to mention the legal, language, financial and immigration issues she is facing.

She does it all with a smile on her face.
She loves to laugh.

It is ALL about ATTITUDE.

You get to CHOOSE how you FEEL about ANYTHING.

I spent the first 37 years of my life with blood flow to my brain bieng constricted. Some days I could not even roll over or even talk. Even when I was lying on the floor unable to move, I could always find things to be grateful for.

Only YOU choose YOUR THOUGHTS and your thoughts determine how life is for you. Makes you think doesnt it, if thoughts can do that to water, what can they do to us.
you have an engrained pattern of decisions and behaviors that continues to lead you to trouble. You are probably unaware of the depth of this pattern because you have not yet broken it. You may also have prevented helpers from helping you break the pattern.

4 abusive marriages means that you seek out abusive men that healthy women look and and groan or turn their nose up or "get the creeps." You run to them while healthy women run away from them.

It's your pattern. If you break it, your life will get better. If you stay in it, you will continue to suffer. Part of what keeps you in the pattern is that it is familiar. Another part is that you can always blame the "abusive" men or whatever else that is outside of you and never take responsibility. It ain't the men, it's you. It ain't your boss, it's what you do at work that people who seem to always have a job don't do.

If you want to help yourself, find a woman who has been married for 40 years and listen to her as she talks about her relationship. Find a woman who has been on the job for 30 years or 20 years and find out what she does that you don't do. Both of these women have an entirely different set of decisions and behaviors than you. Even if you never adopt their ways, learn what they do. It will surprise you how different they THINK and DO. They may not FEEL much different than you but they behave different from you.
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