Opinions? anyone can help- 2 easy points?
Question:
Maybe if you asked me who I was, I would tell you. But you wouldn’t ask. You wouldn’t dare to ask about the monster that hides behind warm brown eyes and perfect hair. A monster that lurks in the shadows of words that will never be said. One who feeds on broken hearts, and celebrates slip-ups that were never to happen again. You wouldn’t ask because that monster exists only in the darkest places, only in the places that most don’t even realize are there. Until, that is they have fallen face first into the pit. A pit so deep you will never get out the same person you went in as, if you’re lucky enough to get out at all.
Answers:
Looks good, the only thing i might change is how many times you used "monster". You might consider putting "beast" or something like that, just so you're not over using one word.
There's obviously a lot of feeling behind this, its a great piece.
i think it's ok
Not a cliche' by any means. Sounds like a troubled youth. I would read more.
Definitely not cliche, but darkly redundant...
that was great. did you write it yourself? mind if i put it on my myspace?
its cool!
What a shame to have a "monster" lurking behind warm brown eyes. The perfect tragedy for someone who tries to love this person.
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