How Can He Mature?

Question:

I am great friends with a person that I've known since he was 16, now almost 19. I think of him like a little brother and he is probably the smartest person I've ever met and he is a musical genius. But throughout his life, he's grown up very secluded - home schooled and virtually NO friends outside the internet, where I met him - and had a lot of health problems. Anyways, for as bright as he is, he's always making dumb mistakes and can act very self-centered, me, me, me and just looking for attention. Then he'll apologize and promise how he'll grow up, then he'll do something dumb again and it's back and forth. I love him to death, but I'm worried that at this age, he's not going to ever get it. For instance, he was just diagnosed with bipolar and he was using that to excuse much of his behavior. He still acts like the 16 year old boy I met; and very insecure and hides a lot of who he is (being gay, etc.).

Is there hope for him? What can he do to finally mature?

Answers:
This is why I don't like home-schooling. Learning to interact with different types of people is one of the most important lessons you learn in school. He will probobly grow up and mature, but it may happen slower than other people. Don't give him any attention when he acts childish.

Give him some time. You are talking about a 3 year period. In my opinion in men there isn't much difference in a 16 year old and a 19 year old mentally anyway. Also you have no idea of how he feels about being gay. You are talking about him hiding the fact that he is gay. Do you know what it is like for someone to come out and admit that they are gay? If you are really that close to him, you should sit down and talk to him about how he feels about everything. He could be crying inside and trying not to show it.

I agree with both xxted and mom22. I led a sheltered life, but not as sheltered as being home schooled. there are many parents who don't think of the long-term effects of homeschooling their children. it really does hold them back as far as social development. being that he has been diagnosed as bipolar doesn't help it at all. all teens will make mistakes, that's a given. but also always keep in mind how much he's been left behind socially. my younger sister, turning 14 this weekend, is also bipolar. for a long time i didn't understand why she was so naive and gullible compared to those 1 year or 2 younger than her and also kids her age. now that i understand about adolescent bipolar-ism i won't fault her anymore when she makes silly mistakes. instead i work with her. i coach her along. being that I'm her elder, i try to set the best example that i can. i also try to help her through her tantrums.. or moodiness and get her to talk about her problems rather than internalize.

my sister also does the attention thing. I'll admit that it is hard to deal with, but i try my best to help her grow out of it and be more mature. it's going to be back and forth with your friend because, of course, he's bipolar. it's a never ending thing. you have to assure him again and again that bipolar-ism is not an excuse to rely on for all mistakes, whether deliberate or unintentional. he has to understand and accept that he is now an adult and is now responsible for his actions, or else there be consequences.

and to touch on his insecurities and homosexuality, a lot of young people go through a lot when dealing with the social pressure of sexual identity. that social pressure is a culprit in the many suicide cases amongst adolescents, and young adults. he may not understand what he's going through and his anxieties take over. it can also cause him to lash out especially if he's in the low period of his polarity. as a friend, try to get him into some teen social groups. try to get him to explore the world in as many positive ways as possible so he can begin to live a more normal lifestyle.

remember there is always hope, he's not a lost cause. nobody can make it alone, we all need that shoulder to lean on so we can stand up straight. i hope this advice helps! good luck! :)

How Can He Mature?

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