What does it mean when you get angry with not being assertive with people or struggling to, so you become?
Question:
im 30 now and have allowed people to be like this with me all my life...bullies at school other victimisers, because ive benn to afraid to stand up for myself...aaaarrrrrrrg...
Answers:
See if you can get some assertiveness training. It teaches you to be assertive, without being aggressive.
oh, roland, here we go again this sounds like me at my worst in the sense that my self-image has deteriorated into nothing and it reflects in everything i do- i start to feel hate which kills the empathy that is the best part of me... i want to hear something you love about yourself now... come on the first thing that comes to your mind!
Maybe you should not try to change who you are, and instead, just avoid those people, and tell yourself that they are not who you want to associate with..and if they are people you do want to associate with, just tell them how you feel...ask them nicely...'did you ever consider, that you guys hurt my feelings almost every day?" ...and if they are belittling you, well, you can forgive them, but you don't have to keep going back for more..in fact, you can forgive seventy times seventy...and just tell yourself that you know better..you are a grown man, and you can make that decision all by yourself...so do it...don't let them bully you any more..but do it in a cool, sophisticated, controlled manor...which puts you on top...just let them know, you would rather not call them anymore, if they hate you that much...
You have lived thirty years. And hopefully you will live much longer.
What you have experienced in the past is just history.
Why do you want to focus on memories of the past when you are powerless to change what happened?
You can only do something today. And, you can plan for tomorrow.
Find something you really want to do, then go do it. Each day work a step of your plan. If you really want to do something then nothing can stop you.
Knowing that you are accomplishing something will leave you feeling confident and successful.
Read more at
http://themeaningisyou.cm
Your question is excellent. At the core we are all human beings and under that animal with our instincts. The main cortex of the brain and since evolution we have increase the left and right side of the brain ( lobes). As we have advanced there are still many primal associations attached to us prosaically and emotionally.
We all get frustrated and enraged. This effects the above. You have to learn to move past this and beyond. To some people this is a natural skill. It is not with me and I blow as you say. I am learning to take this feeling as a welcome friend and not accepting it as a set back or being wrong, It is the way you think. Look at C.B.T. And Berne's transactional analysis. I am very good in clinic but it is a learnt skill over many years. There is a big difference for sympathy and caring for someone with empathy. It is understanding all the feelings and emotions. Berne and Greenberg and the main contributors in theis are in the 21st Centuarty
If you need to gain confidence, move in circles of folk worse than yourself initially to build yourself up. You will be surprised how well thhis can work as your own problems become meaningless when there are others clearly suffering the same if not more than you.
If you can't do that then try becomming a hermit for a while, you will get to know yourself and the more you do that the more self appreciation you will gain. It is not selfish and sometimes needs to be done.
Learn it's not your fault; know it's not your fault.
Be true to yourself... it's not going to be easy, and those feelings are never going to go away immediately. It takes time and it take getting to a certain point before you are ready to turn it around.
Please don't try to change yourself. Just because you don't bite back and have a 'go' at people doesn't make you weak or inadequate. Personally i think your the better person by letting it all go over your head, just think quietly to yourself what p**ks they are and carry on doing your own thing. Biting back and being mouthy makes you the same kind of person.
You sound like a kind, good natured person so why change. Rise above it all and do your own thing merrily.
I believe it simply means that you are human.we all have these feelings about ourselves at times...it's when they get to possessing us that it gets bad. It sounds like it may be time for you to find some anger managment groups or classes and or get some counseling to help you move past these problems and learn assertive, non-harming ways to deal with these types of situtations should they surface again.
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