VERY upset about first speeding ticket. Beating myself up; advice?
Question:
I KNOW this sounds silly, and I KNOW it's an irrational thought, but...I'm having such a tough time accepting this.
I just feel like a criminal. I'm so disappointed in myself and I can't tell anybody about this.
Is this normal? Does everybody feel THIS bad when they get a ticket??
Again, KNOW I sound silly and pathetic, so no need to remind me.
I've been too nervous to even call to find out how much this will cost. I'm like..in denial, or something. I can't believe I've been crying about this.
Answers:
I felt the same way when I got a ticket. I also felt that my reputation as a responsible person was ruined, and I didn't want to find out anymore information. Are you young? If your parents put a lot of pressure on you to be perfect, that could explain why you feel that way, especially if you are on their insurance. Of course, that conditioning can remain even after we're responsible for ourselves.
To help yourself, remember that everyone makes mistakes. One speeding ticket does not make you a bad driver. Your self-esteem and self-worth is not based on something that small. If that were the case, then there'd be almost no responsible people in the world.
If you can't face the ticket, maybe you could share your anxieties with a friend and let her be with you when you call to find out about the ticket. After you get off the phone, go shopping, read, or do something to take your mind off of it. Then, try to figure out if you can get your charges appealed or lowered. Don't give up hope!
In the meantime, you might want to seek cognitive therapy so you can escape the negative thought loop that occurs when you make a mistake. Guilt can be so paralyzing sometimes, but getting perspective from others can help.
just take what you can from it and move on - you can't change what happened but you can try and be a better driver in the future - every one gets a ticket in their lifetime - take it as a good warning and try to drive safer in the future - good luck
Find a lawyer in your area and see if he can't get you out of the ticket. It usually costs about $200-250 but it saves you money over the next three years when your insurance rates go up. Usually your lawyer can take care of it without you even having to show up in court. It will be like it never happened! Worked for my hubby! Good luck. Don't sweat it. happens to the best of us. It doesn't make you a criminal.
People who have a strong moral conscience and are perfectionistic have a difficult time getting their first ticket.
Most people realize that even though they try to do the right thing, they are going to make mistakes every now and then. It is impossible to never focus on anything other than your driving speed.
What many people do is they go to traffic court and because the court can't hear all of the cases, it plea bargains all the tickets down. Those that don't like their deal get a date to appear for trial.
The reason you want to do this is that your insurance could go up once you pay the ticket and admit to fault. You want to plea bargain this down to a non-moving violation such as broken headlight. You will pay a much smaller fine too.
I just went through the same thing (only I was talking to my friend about never getting pulled over, when I got pulled over)..
You take something from it, but then you move on, everyone messes up once in a while.
Oh hon, don't worry. It will be ok. You have a lot of integrity and that is a great thing!! I've experienced things like this and I will feel disappointed in myself and guilty but it will go away in a few days. Just mark it up as experience and be proud of the type of person you are!! You're not silly or pathetic, you just have high standards. Good for you! Stop beating yourself up because none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes but the important thing is we learn from our mistakes. Focus on your good qualities and you will feel better soon. :)
Hey its normal to feel anxiety over this. To some it's no big deal but to you it is and thats ok.
I crashed into a pole at the postoffice the other day and the sheriff seem to imply I was under the influence which I wasn't For days I was having panic attacks thinking I was going to get booked on DUI.
The best way to get over it is to be proactive and find out how much it will cost, how it will affect your insurance how many points on your license it will etc.
That sounds tough but it will help you feel in control.
I remember my first parking ticket like it was yesterday.
I received 4 speeding tickets in the span of 25 months but I was manic and gradually losing control with each ticket.
I told my family about the 4th speeding ticket where I was caught going 100+ in a 65. I humiliated myself before the court by calling myself an idiot, which caused the judge to admire my honesty before hitting me with a $300 fine and 5 points.
I would have gotten out of my first speeding ticket if I had believed the officer who said that he wasn't going to show up but I plead guilty with an explanation and explained my story to the judge who reduced the fine to $225 and 2 points.
I didn't really cry because of the mania but I knew something was wrong and I didn't know how to get help. Perhaps the time has come to talk to some professionals before you receive another traffic ticket or even worse.
Easy, easy now...you can still be responsible and human at the same time. Everybody gets at least one at some time or another. The trick is what you learn from it that counts. Chances are this will be your only speeding ticket, so let up on yourself. You have too much to offer the world to let yourself be sidetracked like this. Years from now you may even be glad it happened as you will have something to point to in your own past as an example of how to continue living responsibly even after a stumble.
Guilt was given to us for one reason, motivation! Feel guilty all you want, but allow it to motivate you to not speed like that again, thus preventing yourself from getting another tickd, and maybe killing some body in the long run.
Hon, I understand how you feel about this. I have a clean driving record(I'm 37). When I was 16 I got pulled over and got a ticket for not having my license on me. I FELL apart. I felt like SUCH a scumbag. The ticket got thrown out.
I love it that there are people out there that get 'overemotional' about this like me.
You are a good person, you have a lot of moral quality. You are not a criminal. You just went too fast, that's all.
Call in the morning and see how much it will be.
The person on the other end of the line doesn't think you are a criminal either.
Good luck to you,
D
Maybe this isn't the case in your state, but in Tx, you could take a defensive driving course (they have them in the movie rental places), you will not have that ticket on your record at all. You can only do this once a year, though. Also, since your insurance company will only have the defensive driving class in it's records, not the ticket, your insurance will actually LOWER!
It's good that you have high standards for yourself, but forgive yourself and just try not to make the same mistake. ((HUG))!
First of all, if something is important enough to upset you then it is not silly or irrational. People make mistakes. That's what makes us human. No one is perfect. Use this opportunity to learn from it - obey the speed limit next time. It's ok to feel upset and disappointed, but eventually forgive yourself and move on from it. If your friend got a ticket, would you feel this way towards them?? Prob not, you'd say it wasn't that big of a deal and it didn't make them an awful person. Ehhh, the cost may be a bit pricey.. but what can you do? You can't go back in time. You just have to pay it and move on. You had a slight error in judgement, but one mistake doesn't take away from your lifetime of good responsibility. You are still responsible. You are still a good driver. Don't let this one bad thing destroy who you felt you were before.
More Questions & Answers...