I want to confront the person/people who abused me when I was a child?
Question:
It's been over 20 years since the abuse occured. I was between the age of 7-9. I thought for 20 years that I can forgive and forget like it was only a dream or my imagination but as I grow older and wiser the incident is getting clearer and clearer in my head and it's building up anger inside of me. I got married at age 19 as a result so I can forget the trauma but it's not happening.
What I really want to do is to confront these people before they die and let them know what they did and how badly it affected me. I want them to look at me in the eyes and tell me why they did what they did.
I just want them to tell me they're sorry. I have a seven year old daughter and I want to be able to trust other people take care and be with her.
Answers:
I completely know what you’re going through and most of the responses you've received are very good as far as advice goes.
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I confronted him but I didn't get the results you or I expect instead I received more pain, what must be remembered is that the pedophiles that did this to us don't care about us that is why they did the damaging things they did to us. I honestly doubt pedophiles care for anything but themselves, so be prepared and make sure someone is with you to protect you and hold you before during and after the confrontation (if you choose to go through with it). I wish the best for you and hope that you get the results you'd like or the help you need to get through this and get passed it.
well i know were u r coming from i have had the same thing happen to me i think you should confront them and tell them how you fell and ask them why
I know what you mean... I currently worked up the courage to tell my mom... it happened between the ages of 9 and 15... And I also told my boyfriend... and one day we saw him in the street and my boyfriend confronted him and said that if he ever saw him again he was going to beat him up... never saw him again. And I went to the police... so hopefully they got him.
The guy rented a room in our apartment and he told my boyfriend when he confronted him that I wasn't the only person in the building he had molested.
that's an excellent idea
Whoever abused you doesn't deserve your time, but if you feel the necessity to either teach them a lesson so that they don't repeat their mistakes or confront them because you feel this is the only way you can move on with your life, then go for it, if it's what's keeping you behind. As long as you're in a safe situation hun.
You have to know that you are better than them and that they aren't worth a breath out of your mouth, but sometimes confrontation is necessary in order to clear your mind of certain memories.
-In the end, it's all up to you.
Hope this helped.
Good luck sweetie, just be prepared...these predators will probably deny the things they have done and not appologize..I hope they do, but be prepared...they are not good people.
Darling i understand you, but a "person" that abuse a child ,is coward and very bad people that never will feel sorry because are rubish. Then make a work with you and you feel sorry for them as Jesus did.
You can wait a good feeling of that kind of people.
Sorry to say that, but is my experience.
And there is a lot of bad people in this world,sad to say this, but im coming of a very bad experience too,then you always must be aware. Good luck honey!!
One of my abusers denied that anything ever happened. The second one told me of more abuse that I didn't know about that the second one did to me. The second one was proud of what they did. I got into therapy and did not let that affect me. I was very angry. I got over it though and now I can even go around the abusers. I have very strong boundaries and do not allow them to abuse me or my children.
Best wishes to you.
O.k I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, although I myself haven't been through what you have I know somone close to me who has,The advice I can give to you is, if you choose to confront the people/person what happens if they say they never did that to you and that you are crazy and made that all up for attention, you have to be prepared for that, even though they know deep down what they have done to you, som people just want to deny things. You don't need an appology to move on you yourself can do that, I know you said you have tried to move on. How about you write everything you are feeling down on paper say what you want to these people on paper as if you are talking to them face to face, and when you have written it all down, go to the sink light a match and burn it all away, and just say to yourself that you will no longer allow what happend to you to burden you anymore, they don't have control over you life, cos by you reflecting on the past it just means they still have power over you, I hope you will get something out of it, maybe you could talk to a therapist about it and ask their opinion as to what they think about you approching these people for closure if you still choose to do so. I wish you luck.
Your chances are slim, unless you know their whereabouts, and such people are unlikely to respond in the way you would like, and may be dangerous. See PTSD, and anger management, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris... on pages 6, and 4. Make a tape/write a letter, and post, addressed to "the person who abused me", and send it, or burn in a metal container, and flush the ashes down the toilet, symbolically.
It will probably clear your mind if you did confront them. How old were they when they did this? You may consider taking a deputy or police officer with you. If yhey did this to you, how many others did they abuse?
I want to wish you the best of luck.
I have to wonder how these things tend to go. Obviously, these people should have come to you at some point and apologized, but they didn't. They sound narcissistic and it doesn't seem that they care about you. I don't see these people as people who would feel sorrow or to offer an explanation for what they did.
It takes a lot of strength to do what you are going to do and I think that these people deserve to go through this bad experience. I would think that these cowards would deny everything. So, if I were you, I'd be prepared to handle this. Perhaps something like, "I'm not here to listen to denials. I know what you did and what I'm here to do is to discuss how your actions affected me." If they continue with the denials, I'd say, "You can send me your lie detector results later, but now we are moving on to how this has affected me."
Please be careful. Most perverts/abusers will not accept responsibility for how they hurt you. Typically they denied it happened, blame it on drugs or alcohol, or blame in on the victim.
Many of these creeps are masters at turning the tables: i.e. What you aren't taking into account is how much this hurt me!
You may get some satisfaction, but more likely you'll wind up with regret and even more anger.
I completely understand that you want to confront them and tell them how you feel and that is completely up to you. However, you already have expectations and that is where you may and probably will end up getting hurt worse. You are wanting them to tell you they are sorry just as we all do. We all want explainations and answers to the whys and how could you? It may turn out that way but typically it does not. Either way you have to be doing this for you and not them and going into it like that you are setting yourself up for more dissapointment unfortunately. I did the same thing and I got hurt. I still want answers but I have had to realize that I will never get them. It may work out for you. You may get your answers but just go there with an open mind knowing that you may not...be prepared. It sounds as though you really need to work through this in therapy. Often times you can confront the person in therapy without actually having to confront them in person and you can write them a letter telling them how it made you feel and if you decide to send it then that is also up to you. I also understand your trust issues, especially with your daughter but there again that needs to be worked out in therapy and is going to be a process. I am sorry you had to go through what you did. I hope you will find your answers and you and your daughter will be happy. If you ever want to talk feel free to click on my pic and email me. This stuff is never easy but you can and will get through it..you already did, you are a SURVIVOR. Now you have to get through these feelings. I wish you the best~
If you are going to do this, make sure that you have someone with you that you trust. You might need this person to stop you from killing the "thing" that you are confronting. Remember that these "things" are cowards, that is why they do this to children (as they are to small to fight back). As cowards the "things" will often deny that anything happened, the "it was all your imagination", "you always were a liar", "you always made up stories and now you expect me to believe your bulls___". This will cause you to lose control of that anger and beat the living daylights out of the "thing", this is not a bad result, but if you don't know when to stop, then this is when you need that friend. Good luck I hope all goes well for you
even if you go to them and tell them what they did it wont help you any. i've tried that. jsut do what you have to do in life. close your eyes tight and hold on. ( i know you know what i mean when i say that)
Hey Hermit. I'm pretty certain you will get no apology since they will deny you.. you are an adult and these perps are cowards. Now that you are an adult you will see them for what they are if you confront them.
Your abuser is 20 years older .. some sorry assed old fart with no family, no life and nothing to feel good about. Some bitter pathetic old person... with not one good emotion in them to offer you.
Join a gym instead. I think the exercise increases oxegen in your blood. This helps you solve complex problems. After a while the repeated use of the gym opens neuro-pathways for dopamines to increase your levels of euphoria. Eventually you will want to go every day, and you will become addicted to the dopamine hit. (There are worse things). Higher levels of dopamines assist you to make "happy thoughts" ~ Im certain it won't stop your jack in the box but I think exercise helps set it aside.
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