Do we have the right to take someones rights away, even if we think it is the best thing for them?
Question:
She says she suffers from agorophobia, yet is able to get to the shop to buy whisky.
I am scared for her. The neighbours said they could smell gas, and I smelt gas
when I was at her house yesterday. The gas was off so I do not know if she left it on
accidently, deliberately, or if there is an actual leak. I gave her the number to call
in case of emergency.
Her doctor says that they cannot discuss anything about my mom with me, whilst
she is able to make her own decisions. But I KNOW she has changed, and that the
drink must be having an affect on her mental well being.
But she spoke of suicide on the weekend, yet after chatting, seemed better.
I do not know what to do. If it is her decision, and the doctor feels she can make her decisions,
what right do I have to affect that? I love her but things have got worse for
her since I got married some years ago. What can I do?
Answers:
The above answers regarding power of attorney only permit another person to have access to that person's affairs (Eg. Bank account). It does not permit the empowered person to overrule. And in any case, it would not resolve the problem you describe.
The issue with drinking too much has to be addressed by the medical preofession. The medical profession will do *nothing* unless and untill your mother is *willing* to seek help.
The concern over the gas leak is most probably that the gas stove was left switched on by mistake. To remove this danger, it might be wise to replace the cooker with an electric cooker which is raher less dangerous. Maybe too, gas fires in the house.
You say that things have become worse since you married a few years ago. Often, parents feel a tremendous sense of worthlessness when they no longer have their children to care for, and this can lead them into a 'careless' attitude.
The drink could be a sign that she's tryingto blot out these feelings. Maybe you could find out if there is something she'd be interested in doing socially - even if at home to start off with?
When she speaks of suicidal thoughts, listen carefully and note whether it is a general thought or an intent. At the first sign of intent, you should encourage her to speak with a doctor about it, and try to emphasise that doctors can help with medication.
Only as a last resort should you attempt to have a family member sectioned. This causes tremendous animosity between family members.
Best wishes in caring for your mother - you obviously do - and that's a pretty admirable thing you're doing for her.
Christ I know the perfect answer for this...but I can't recall it and it's on the tip of my tongue, but you can take legal custody over her medical status, ask your lawyer, he/she will definitely know, but you do have to prove that your family member is incompetant or something close to that. Sorry for the vague details, I'll look into it more.
I think this is what you might be looking for:
A power of attorney is a legal document that allows one person (called the principal) to appoint someone else - called the agent or attorney-in-fact - to act on his or her behalf. The powers that can be exercised by the agent can be broad or narrow; the principal stipulates them, in advance. Your loved one (the principal) might, for example, authorize you (the agent) to do a specific thing (e.g.,sell the house). The principal can give the agent the authority to do any legal act he or she would do. If a senior becomes incapacitated without having a power of attorney, the family may havet o go through lengthy and expensive legal action so that someone can act on the senior's behalf.
this is a hard situation - i would suggest hiding her wallet so she cant buy anymore - then you can talk to her
I don't know what your state law is but usually, if someone is a harm to themselves or others you can have them committed involuntarily to a treatment center. It may be difficult to prove in your mom's case. She may be seen as an alcoholic and not bothering anyone.
You should let the neighbors know that if they see or hear or smell anything like that they should report it to the police. That way there will be a record.
u can try to get power of attorney..but that means shes going to have to sign a paper saying that u have all her rights...but other then that im affried there nothing u can do.. but try to convince her she needs help try to get her into rehalb...but if ur moms able to make her own decisions and is mentally all there there is no way to get control of her except power of attorney witch basicly mean u control her life her money...or if shes dieing to pull the plug and end her life.its a big responsabley.but she has to sign it..and get it notafied so its not easy at all but mostly its used for elderly people who r very sick and cant take care of them selfs...or if there on life support..or need cpr or anything the only way u can say no let her die is iff u have it but this is obviously not the case soo i dunno... thats all i got hope i helped God bless
When she speaks of suicide even though she might feel better you cant be for sure that she is because she might be just trying to cover it up. If you want to help her when she talks this way you need to get her professional help right away so she is safe for just the time being. She might be upset with you but its the safest thing you can do. If she can talk her way out of being hospitalized than she will go home. If she cant talk her way out of being hospitalized than they probably will find out that shes a drunk and make her also go into treatment for this problem after they know that shes not suicidal any more.
I would also try to get custody over her so she cant have a lot of extra money to go and buy achohol and so when and if she does save up enough to get a bunch of it you can throw her into treatment for it.
even if she can make her own decisions, they always ask for a person to call in emergencies...have they told you about this? this company will help you:
http://www.pals.nhs.uk/
if you think her agoraphobia might be affecting her, this organisation deals with mental health issues (I sincerely apologise, I am not suggesting anything, just thought I'd give you the info, in case as I had a friend who was in a similiar situation & mental health also interfered):
http://www.rethink.org/
expressing suicidal thoughts is a serious matter and should not be ignored. professional help should be sought. does your mum agree to seeing a doctor? alcohol problems are often a cover up for other problems and its not fair on you to be going through this alone.
in extreme cases, where you are seriously worried about her mental health, you could contact social services who could arrange an approved social worker to do an assessment for your mum's mental health needs. if they feel she is at risk to herself or others, they may choose to admit her to hospital. this can cause problems in itself, such as blame and mistrust.
you don't mention how much or in what depth your mother spoke of suicide but if you feel she is in imminent danger, you should contact emergency services.
More Questions & Answers...