People say I am pretty and even hot sometimes, but...?
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This is just an unbiased opinion, but I think individuals subconsciously mirror other’s behavior. You stated you were quiet and shy in HS. If this is still the case, others may view you as unsociable or stuck up. A guy will pick up on these cues and he will not approach you, regardless of how pretty he thinks you are. I think guys are almost more guarded against rejection than girls are.
This is a lot more difficult said than done, but challenge yourself for the next week to be extremely aware of your demeanor and how it may be perceived by others. Try to smile all day, whether you are at the grocery store, at school/work, out on the town, etc. Also, make eye contact with others. It is so easy to look away, but this is a huge part of engaging others and letting them know you are up for interaction. These are some good means to monitor yourself, but self-monitoring is difficult. You must constantly be aware of your actions- are you standing straight? Are you are smiling? Are engaging others with direct eye contact? Manage other’s perceptions of you.
As for your self esteem, hopefully you are involved in activities that give you self worth, whether it be excelling at your job or going to school and learning new skills. Involve yourself in something that you feel you can make a difference. I hope your family life was/is good. If not, work through those issues with a group or a counselor. Make sure you surround yourself with good friends that are encouraging; it is important to expunge any individuals that do not benefit you emotionally, intellectually, etc.
Although I do not know you, I suspect you are a exceptional person. Keep us updated!
Just accept that what people are saying to you is the truth. That's all. As soon as you believe that people are being honest about how good you look, then you will feel much better. And I'm sure that they're not lying anyway!
Well, aside from reading some books on self esteem or something (and you said you don't want to be told that) the only thing I can suggest is what worked for me.
I used to be very down on myself no matter how good I was doing in life, or how well I did things. I started listening to this pastor Joel Osteen. His sermons are basically all about positive living, being strong, changing your negative thoughts, accepting yourself.. a lot of people (myself included before) don't like to be told to find religion, but it has been the only thing that has made me feel better about myself.
I am 15 years old and people say the same thing to me. I also am quite and keep to myself alot. I wish I could help you.
Good luck!
Nikki
Hey boss. I can very much relate; I've gotten some pretty steep compliments that I've never been able to believe, even though I'm slowly coming around to think that these people might be right.
The face itself is only one aspect of what makes a person look attractive: it's how you expressions and personality come across on it. I might see a girl that's extremely good looking at first glance but if she has a snotty, impatient look on her face then she doesn't look attractive at all. Or, a simple girl that looks sweet and kind can seem very attractive.
Asking and receiving people's opinions on how we look can be easy; actually believing them is hard. Different people must take different roads to find their own self worth. One, what is something you are good at in which you can succeed or will give you the most enjoyment? Mastery of anything can help your self worth.
I think that deep down a lot of us know what would make us feel better but afraid to try or don't know how. What is yours? For me it was getting in shape; even though people still gave me compliments when I thought I was slobbish, I still felt better being fitter.
Don't obsess or focus on this as a problem, because that's not the way to solve it. Don't let it bug you; instead, work on making yourself feel good about yourself by whatever means necessary.
When the confidence and patience show in your face and in you posture, then people will really notice, and you'll notice their noticing. Good luck!
same here we see our flaws when other people don't
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