If your wife had an affair, and it ended, would you want her to tell you, or keep it a secret?

Question:

I have been married for 10 years. Our marriage has been rough, and my wife met another man, she swore it was not sexual, but continued to see him off and on for 2 years. Her guilt was too much and she eventually confessed everything to me. Now I bear the guilt and shame and she is free. If she never told me, I would not bear the pain. But she would still be burdened with the guilt and this was breaking up our marriage. So by destroying my trust in her, she was able to save herself...

Answers:
I know you've asked men...

The best way to get out of this circle is for the unfaithful one to tell. Otherwise she keeps secrets from you all the time, and it can't possibly be good. The next step is for her not to ever see this man again, and it seems like it took place in your case. Yet another step for both of you is to pay close attention to satisfy each other's emotional needs, so that there is no more room or need for affairs.

She didn't tell you to destroy your trust. She told you because she finally came to conclusion that she trusts that you love her enough to overcome this, that you are the one, that you are the best for her. She wouldn't have told you if she still had doubts. She'd keep cheating on you until she found someone else to marry.

Good luck, it's a tough one.

Chances are she is not "free" like you say she is. I'm not defending her by any means, because what she did was just not right, but she's been living and dealing with this for 2 years while you're just beginning to find out about it. To her it's not a shock, to you it is.

If it was my husband, I would still want to know, so I could leave his sorry ***.

Well if the affair ended I would still want her to tell me because we could then work it out instead of everything being a secret.

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If your wife had an affair, and it ended, would you want her to tell you, or keep it a secret?

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