My butthole is melancholy. How can I cheer it up?

Question: My butthole has been in a funk lately. I've tried massages, suppositories, even anti-depressants... nothing seems to work. How can I get a happy butthole?

Answers:
Stick a cork in it, eat five cans of beans and see how far you can fart the cork into space. I would guess about 250 yards at the least.

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Man, I feel so low...you gave us all a lot of ammunition to work with but I just can't come up with anything better than singing to it. Man, am I lame or what. I think I am losing it. There was a time I could have gone on a half hour about Uranus. So sad.:(

Thanks for the question though.

Wait! Wait! I've got it! You are concentrating too much on your butthole in particular. You have to consider your entire ***. Haven't you ever had someone say something about your "happy ***?" Your cheeks are depressing your butthole. HA! I feel better about myself now. Remeber, sometimes you have to look at the whole picture, no I didn't say "hole" picture.:)

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Tell it fart jokes.

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