so. my boyfriend has borderline personality disorder.?

Question:

i guess my question is.. is the relationship doomed to fail? When things are good, they are so so awesome. But when things are bad, they are so so bad. He has serious trust issues and i've never given him a reason for that. He has been going thru a really hard time in other areas of his life and we are temporarily separated because of work. He has had 2 suicide attempts in the past. I ordered some books online about bpd. He is very motivated to get help and has never really had a chance to do this before. He is in his early 30's and has been married twice before. What do you think? I need some answers from those with experience with bpd. thank you.

Answers:
My ex-husband had BPD and the only thing that helps is to get away from that person forever. They have good qualities, and they love so deeply, but they have so many issues it's just impossible to stay together. People like this don't change. It's only going to get worse. Get out of the relationship as soon as you can. There's someone nice out there waiting for you.

Other Answers:
if you can't deal with the changes he will take you thru get out. he will always have up's and downs and some really bad and some really good. the suicide is really bad and what if you come home and find him dead, then you have to deal with that. hmmm. i'd have to think this thru very well. get some advice from a counselor. good luck. does he takes his meds regularly? this could cuz a problem he he doesn't.

Well i, myself, have bpd & manic depression. So i understand what he is going through and im sure my fiance would unserstand what your going through.. my best advice is to just be there.. no matter how bad it gets just be there for him. I know that i have really good good days but i have horrable bad days. And yet my man has been through a lot because of me and my bpd. But he sticks by me and supports me. The part i really hate about he whole thing is when we fight, we fight. and im sure youve experienced this with your boyfriend. As long as you always let him know that your gonna be there and completely, i mean completely support him with his attempts to get better and even participate if he askes you too. like go to a doc with him or a cousler.. just to let him know that your there. I know that helps me alot with my bpd, when my man does that stuff. but i also have issues with abandonment. So he is always quick to let me know hes always gonna be there.. hope this helps

I had a very close friend who had borderline personality dosorder, with PTSD on top for good measure. There were trust issues, but I think they were more related to PTSD. More related to the borderline, I think, was that she split. By which I mean that her assessment of people was that they were either saintly, perfect, wonderful people, or they were the worst person on the planet: really really evilly bad. One thing would go wrong and the saint was suddenly an unforgiveable sinner. Everything was hugely intense - that's so attractive when things are going well, but it's traumatic when they aren't.

Read the books, and there are some good internet resources on borderline. Question whether there was any traumatic incident - or is this a lifetime history?

If you decide to be serious about making this work, know that it will be a long haul (years), and will have really bad fights on a regular basis. You WILL need somewhere you can withdraw to on occasion. Tell him you need time out, and will return at such and such a time. You WILL need solid support, probably counselling, for yourself. You WILL need to know your weak spots and sensitivities, because he will find them and he will use them.

Ok, I can't tell you exactly what to do, I can only tell you some things that you might've heard before. There will be the good days where everything will be more than just wonderful, as long as he will have his way of things. When he doesn't get his way, it's gonna be reallly really bad. Mistrust, paranoia (he might think that you or others are plotting against him), manipulation, and a series of other symptoms that you could appreciate if he doesn't get what he thinks he deserves at that precise moment. About the question that you made, if your relationship will fail. I could just say that it might fail if you let it fail or won't. It all depends. If you really love him and care for him, and, if you are willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to make your relationship a good one, what the heck, go for it, be happy, supportive, comprehensive. He will appreciate it from the bottom of his heart, as your BF will start seeing signs of trusting you. It will not be easy, but what matters is what you might find in the end. If it doesn't work, well, at least you tried. Good luck.

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so. my boyfriend has borderline personality disorder.?

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