Going crazy with doubt..?
Question:
Additional Details
Mar 30, 2006 at 5:07 am
he says Im not being understanding of him in his time of need? am i being a **** by telling him to gewt a job and get help and stop acting like the losers hes hanging with
Answers:
Beth, Starshotdown, and BadKitty1969 seem to have a good idea for a solution to your problem.
The behavior that you describe does complement the 'life of a drug addict,' and his desire to near a zone that is deviant are his inclinations to continue this lifestyle.
The closer that an addict is closer to illicit drugs the better they will feel, although this is a vague sense of reality.
It may be the best thing for you and your children if you did initiate legal proceedings against him.
In this manner you will help yourself, family and even the 'junkie' man. Jose
Other Answers:
Girl, please!! Pack up your baby and run far away! Forget this loser and get on with your life.
he's saying that because he wants someone to stay around and support his lazy ***. you are doing the right thing. if he really gave a crap he would step up and be a man and take care of business but apparently thats not happening so the ultimatum route is fine. you don't want your son growing up in a household where violence is prevalent because he may eventually come to believe it's okay for him to be that way too.
He is an addict and neither you or anyone else can change him. He is the one that has to change his behavior.
It will only get worse and you and the kids will enable him by tolerating his maladaptive behaviors. Drug dependency makes the user desperate: They lie, steal, use people, mood swings, and the list goes on. Users must hit rock bottom and be alone before they even think about recovery. You are not helping him by enabling him. Much hurt and misery will come of it all, so be prepaired. When one takes a stand, this generates much resistance in the user. The beatings are another issue. That is life threatening. You must get support and leave and stick to that decision. He will try and find you to use you further. Addicts want it easy, to stay in the womb and numb themselves from living. You can not save him as he must save himself. Read "Addict in the House" by Beverly Conyers and read material by the Hazelden clinic. You can also go to the local college bookstore and find books in the nursing department or social work department. In addition, set a appointment with a Socail worker from the college and explain your situation and heed advice. You can beat this thing. You have done more than enough for him and your intentions were honorable. Now its survival and you and the kids. You love this man-leave him before your self esteem and self respect go. This is how you can help him. Also, call a hospital and find a anon group and attend it.
Source(s):
Did some dual diognosis nursing with axis one drug dependency issues within the population.
Your child does not need to be exposed to this loser (sorry- it had to be said). Move on with your life, educate yourself and be strong for your kid.
RUN Don't walk. He will never grow up if you stick around and coddle him and cater to his every whim. Make him take the necessary steps to win you back. You don't like this life style do you? Get out of there for youreslf and your children. It will never change. I am the voice of experience. Leave his ***. And yeah, he IS using.
Please Listen to this.you are taking on his problems. You need to worry about raising your children, taking care of yourself and keeping you guys in the safest environment possible. IF that means leaving that man until he gets his self together than so be it. One problem we woman have is we think we can change the man..if he doesn't want to change on his own there is nothing you can do.Move on, and look on this as a learning experience.
Source(s):
Going through stuff like this in my own life.I learned the hard way.
My divorce from a meth addict was final March 29th.
I dated the ex for ten years before we got married.
I was only married for 3 years.
I found out shortly after I was married in front of both of our entire families, and every friend we ever had, that he was using meth.
I "knew" there would be a way to get past it. I "knew" I could fix it.
You don't get past it, and you don't fix it.
I think the guy you are describing is using drugs, because it sounds like he's giving you exactly the same guilt trip that my ex gave me. Somehow my ex was able to convince himself that nothing was ever his fault. Whatever problems he was having was just his bad luck, and happened to him through no fault of his own. I tried to stick it out, but addicts are sick, and can't be helped until they are left to suffer the consequences of the choices they've made. You will NEVER help him by taking care of him as if he were your child. You need to not be responsible for cleaning up his problems. He's an adult who needs to act like one. When you hooked up with him you wanted to be his partner, not his mommy, or his care taker. Do not let him guilt you into wasting another minute of your time, effort, or life on his selfish need to be an addict. His problems are not your responsibility. Your problem is that you need to take care of yourself, and your son. Don't raise your son in that environment because he's telling you that YOU are taking away his family. He left his family when he chose to take up this lifestyle. You have to imagine this person as someone that you don't know. The person you fell in love with, and had your son with has left the body, and been replaced by a selfish idiot, who hates you, because you're not helping him to get high. He will manipulate you, and yes, likely will become violent. Call the cops if he threatens you. Get a restraining order. Quit talking to him. Get an injunction. Keep him away from your child. If he wants visitation, he'll have to go to court for it. You ask that it be denied until he's tested for drugs, and has obtained counseling for drugs, and anger management. I don't know where you live, so I can't say what resources should be availabe to you. Ask doctors, friends, your sons school, and the cops what you need to do to keep yourself, and your son safe. Do it now. Do whatever you need to do, and don't give a second thought to how it affects him. He is sick, lost, and needs to face his problems. If he won't, then he needs to deal with the consequences of his decision not to be a good man, husband, father, employee, etc.
He says you aren't understanding him? He hasn't bothered to try to understand you for years. My answer to my ex when he said that. "welcome to my world, how does it feel?".
Are you being a ***** by telling him to get a job, and act like a man? Please! You are finally putting your foot down. My answer to that."How long did you expect me to feed you like you were a dog I bought? How long did you think I should take care of you as though I gave birth to you myself?"
You are learning that you are a woman who deserves more. You are a mother who is finding out that her son deserves a father who will love him, and provide for him. You are learning that this ia a man who will not figure out that he needs to step up, straighten out, and be right..ever.
Leave him, quit talking to him, keep him away from your son. You owe him nothing, act like you know that even when you feel like giving in.
Once you get past the leaving him part, you will feel so free. It just can't be explained with words.
Power to you.
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