advice about my husband.?

Question:

Ok, I love my husband dearly, we have been together since highschool and have a beautiful daughter. But he has gained a lot of weight. I'm not shallow, I still find him sexy, but I'm worried about his health. He found his dad dead in bed of a heart attack when he was 14. I would think that he would realize how horrible it would be for our daughter to lose him. I am really worried about him, and have expressed my concern in a loving way. He is 6' and 275lbs. He has a really big build, but a lot of it is fat now. Its so bad that he has a ton of stretch marks. He says that he just doesnt care what people think. But I wish he would care about himself and us enough to take care of himself. And it really hurts me sometimes, I feel like he is being selfish, and that is a big turn off for me. I'm in love with him, but I sometimes have a hard time mentally being turned on because of this problem. Does anyone have any advice on what to do or say to get him to shape up?

Answers:
I know this is not what you want to hear but there is nothing you can do or say to him. He may attempt but until he decides for himself that he wants to lose weight, he will not. I am overweight. I know my man would be happier if I were thinner. I know I would be healthier if I were thinner. I know the risks. BUT until I decided to do something because I want to do it - nothing happened. I am now for the first time in years doing something. I just hope it is not too late for my health. Be open with your fears but do not nag him. Be loving and just pray for the best. Good luck.

Other Answers:
He first has to want to change for himself. Use your daughter as leverage.

You need to make a way to excercise as a family, like walking or biking, and I assume you probably do the grocery shopping? If he's like my husband, if it's in the house, he'll eat it, so just buy healthier things!! Good luck. You can't help someone who is in denial that there is a problem.
Pray for him to come to his senses.

If you prepare some of the meals in the house, I would make them healthy and low-fat. That way you are participating as well. Keep the emphasis on health, not weight. Also, join him in participating in some exercise, whether walking, jogging, swimming, tennis or any sort of activity you can do together taht will burn calories and build muscle. He should go to his doctor for a checkup for cholestorol, heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. Just join him and encourage him to take care of himself. Wow - I know where he's at, and he's got to love himself enough to make better choices everyday. It's not easy, but he's got to get the food and exercise ratio to an acceptable level.
Help him make better choices every day, and tell him how attracted you are lately to thin guys - that might help - lol

I myself had a problem like your husband. I got out of the Marine Corps and went to college. . well its been two years of a 'fast food diet' and i have gained easily 25 pounds of lookin bad weight. Just recently I have been in the gym working out hard trying to get my body back in shape. And the biggest reason for my change was that I have a daughter on the way. There is something about children that can help push a man/woman back into the gym.

But the above poster has it right. . he has to want to do it himself. Thats key. Inorder for that to happen though he needs some motivation. That can come in many forms for many different people. Good luck and I hope he gets back into a healthy lifestyle.

You cannot make someone do something, even if your intentions are good. Do you do most of the cooking/shopping? Then without letting him know why don't you start cooking lighter. If this won't work try telling him that his daughter is going to need him around for a long time to guide love and protect her, as well as yourself. My husband died at 39 of a heart attack and my sons were 3 and 5 at the time. They had to grow up without him and I always wonder what might have been different for all of us if he had been here longer. Good Luck. Well let's take a serious look at your too choices:Tell him that you will leave him if he doesn't lose at least 100 pounds, and see what happens. If he parties too much upon hearing this welcoming news and gains further weight, he didn't love you in the first place. If he complies and loses the weight, every other woman on the street will find him that much more desirable and you may lose him as a result.

Considering your two choices, it's probably best to say nothing. Just keep your 911 number handy.

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advice about my husband.?

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