Parents alcoholics, no one to turn to, please help?

Question:

My parents are both alcoholics and i feel as though i have no one to talk to when times get rough. I am 23 and a mother to four gorgeous kids who i love dearly but i feel as though something is missing. My parents have always liked a drink but when the they took it upon themselves to run a pub 6 years ago this developed into a full blown addiction. They dont ever see or spend time with my children and as the years have gone bye i am getting more and more upset about. They use to be such a well to do couple but now they dont care about their appearance nor how much they show themselves up in pulic. I no longer have a relationship with either of them. I have 2 sisters who are also experiencing the same feelings. Again they have children and they make no effort with them either. My daughter is now 4 months old and my mother must have seen her 5 times! Please could any1 give advise on where i look into help for them or just some advice for me would be appreciated, Thank you

Answers:
There really isn't much you can do for them if they see no problem. You could try a family intervention, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that.
For yourself, you could look into Al Anon. It's a support group for family and friends who've been affected by alcoholism in their loved one. You could probably find support groups on line through yahoo groups. It ain't easy. Good luck.

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/...

You could have a look at this website, this might help.

This is really tough. Your parents are in the grip of an addiction and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change that, they will have to make the change themselves. I think you are very brave to talk about this, as a lot of people have such a sense of shame when family members are addicts. There is an organisation similar to AA that is specifically for family members of people who are alcoholics, here is their website:
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/
I hope you have support for yourself, you don't say if you are married or with a partner, if you are, is he supportive? If not, do you have family or friends who you can talk to? Seeing a counsellor might help, Alanon might be able to put you in touch with one, or you could talk to your GP who should also be able to put you in touch with a counsellor.

I hope some of this helps. Stay strong, and look after yourself. xx

Well, I'm not sure what you're looking for here. Your parents may not be doting grandparents. It sounds like you are a great Mom, but give your parents a break. Maybe they think it's time for you and your siblings to live your own lives and raise your own children. Maybe they feel smothered by the size of the family now and are overwhelmed by the demands for attention all of you are putting on them. You still have your sisters to talk to.

blimey, if it is that bad i would explain to them why they are not seeing their family very often and explain what they are loosing by doing this, tell them you can't bring the kids round anymore because you don't want them subjecting to alcoholism and the effects of alcoholism.

i hope it is sorted out, you and your kids deserve more, it is not your fault.

My mother was an alcholic my whole life. I know how hard it was for me, and I imagine it is worse for you with both parents drinking. You sound upset, you also sound angry and hurt. Speak to a counsellor at AA or speak to your Doctor about being referred. You have to accept your parents may never change. My mum was in and out of AA units for decades and just didn't want to change. Remember your children have a great mum and aunties and that can be family enough if you want it to be.

AA have a family counselling service which may help.

That's so sad - they are missing out and so are you. However, there is really nothing you can do for them until they are ready to help themselves. I am sure there will be a support orgisation for relatives and friends of addicts - search the internet. In the meantime, your sisters and you can support each other. It's hard to accept that your parents put drink before seeing you and your children but unfortunately, that is the nature of addiction - that is how addicts behave.

Check out that Alchoholics anon site that was posted before, they probly have alot of good ideas.
Have you sat down with your parents and let them know how you feel? They might not see how their habit affects you.Have your sisters come and join in the talk too.
It's a good thing they aren't drinking around your children.
It's not bad to drink once in a while, but it is a crime to do it all of the time. One day, if you get a chance to,at a family gathering, tape them if they drink alot, and show it to them.
If nothing else works, tell them you love them, and let them go.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do but pray for them, and get on with your life.

Go and see Trisha Goddard with your parent`s, she is great.

I have a dad like yours, though he was more violent growing up around him... I always had my mom though, so my situation is a little different.. the best advice i have for you is to tell them how you feel.. sometimes people are going to do what they want no matter how bad it hurts anyone else around them...and other times they realize what they're doing.and change.. either way I hope it works out for you :)

al-anon (not the same as alcoholics anonymous) is for people who lives have been affected by alcoholism.
i hear good things about it!

best of luck with this situation

my heart goes out to you, i found out about 6mths ago that my mam is an alcoholic and has been for years i was devastated.we were more like best freinds.
my dad had put up with it and tried to protect us (me and my brother)from finding out but it got to the point where he couldnt any more cos she was getting worse.i did everything i could to get her to stop but nothing worked.she used to see my son (9mths old) everyday but i told her she couldnt see him unless she stopped and she hasnt seen him for 3mths and isnt likely to.
what are your parents like after a drink? my mams very nasty and says the most hurtful things and like yours has lost all pride in herself and doesnt care how she looks or acts.my dad ended up moving out with my little brother and sister and they are now selling the house and getting a divorce. its completly soul destroying to see your family torn apart like that and all it would have took was for my mam to give up the drink or at least even try.
if i was you id just leave them to it until they are willing to get help,you have your own family and it will end up causing arguments (if it hasnt already) it did with me and my husband,(he was a bit like yours by the sounds of it!) it will just end up destroying your life.at least youve still got your sisters and you are all there for each other.if you feel lonely go and see them thats what i do with my brother ashe understands what im going through.
i miss my mam like crazy but the way she is now she isnt my mam. hope things work out for you and if you ever need to talk my email address is zoetxt192@aol.com

Hiya *fallingfoss*
this is your sis ere i am not going to answer this question as such i just want to say a massive thank you to all thats answered this tough question.
Me and *fallingfoss* ere have stuck together through all of this and now it's turned out we've another to look after as out parents have seemed to have forgotten our younger sister, i think shes the one thats finding this the most difficult.
Thanks again for all the support given im sure we'll all stick together and look to the future of kissing our parents goodbye xxx

Parents alcoholics, no one to turn to, please help?

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