Help with stroke victim.stepfather suffered stroke 1&1/2 yrs. ago?

Question:

he refused to cooperate with rehabilitation therapist,begged mom till she brought him home. Mom was not in the bast of health. Lifting and pulling on him she developed a hyertyl(sp) hernia which also damaged her heart. She spent 10 days at Barnes-Jewish in St. Louis untill she was strong enough for surgery.She had surgery on Mon.21st and is coming home Fri.27th. I am her oldest and a disabled son. Luckily I am available 24 hrs. a day. I've explained to him that she will be un able to do anything for at least 8 wks.Yet he refuses to hire outside help or to go where he can recieve proper rehab. He has the ins. and could pay for it out of pocket if he had to.His family has left it up to me and my mother to handle the situation. I can get friends to help yet I don't know how much.Ican get him up for meals and have finally got him to use a walker to get back to his bed. Color is coming back into his legs and feet. He says his legs are getting stronger. What can I do?

Answers:
Was he stubborn like this before his stroke, or did he become stubborn after having the stroke? If the stubborness wasn't present before the stroke, his judgement and insight are impaired, too. He is killing your mother by inches; someone her age, with her health problems, should not even consider taking care of this guy! His family needs to step up to the plate, and you and your mom need to insist you are unable to take care of him one more minute. He's not YOUR father, and your mom is physically unable to handle him. Whoever has power of attorney for his care really needs to approach his doctor (preferably the neurologist, who can determine his mental status more thoroughly than a family practitioner, GP, or internist) to place him in a nursing home where he can get the rehab he needs. Please don't impose on your friends, as this is a matter for health care professionals.

This may sound terribly harsh,but HIS family needs to be there helping,not just relying on friends. Sounds like he needs an 'intervention' to make him realize that he needs extra help. Medical issues shouldnt just be left to the wife and stepson,especially if they have health problems too.Good Luck!

Talk to their doctors and get him a visiting/ home helath nurse. They come in anywhere between once a week to multiple times a day, depending on how much help they need. They'll do anything from just making sure they're getting their meds to helping them shower if need-be, even cooking meals! It's kinda like having a medicare/medicaid/insurance- paid- for assistant, and yet they stay in their house. I'm pretty sure this has to be set up through the doctor though. Good luck!

Do talk to a home health care agency. I assure you, your step dad will not be the first resistant patient they have dealt with.
A good agency should be able to coach you with how to present the situation to him for the best cooperation.

Many oldsters don't want to think they can't do things on their own. You may be able to convince him to accept help if you tell him this is for MOM, because she is unable to get around, cook, clean, etc, and the agency is there to help her out.

His family must get involved. I might go so far as to tell them that I am taking MY mother to my home, and they will need to make arrangements for THEIR father. (I realize this may not be acceptable for you).

Here is an article on getting home care: http://ezinearticles.com/?my-elderly-par...

If you look at the bottom of the page, there are additional articles on dealing with aged and disabled parents and getting siblings to help. As well as an excellent article on where to look in your community for help. It is a site with an entire array of senior help information.

I wish you much good luck!

Help with stroke victim.stepfather suffered stroke 1&1/2 yrs. ago?

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