Anyone have experience with vascular dementia?

Question: My mum has this heartbreaking condition. Both my parents are 79. Dad is her carer and his health is suffering because he can't get too much of a break from her. Even on the toilet, she is knocking on the door, panicking because she cant see him. I looked after her for a few days and she cried the whole time, begging for Dad and feeling he must be off with another woman. Dad wants to put her in a hostel, but it would break her heart. Does anyone know if there comes a stage where you just know they have to be hospitalized. My poor Dad loves her, he just needs a break. We are prepared to share her between us, be we have our own families and it is not a long term solution

Answers:
Yes, I do know what you are going through. I have always felt that something will show you when the time is right to take a loved one out of the home. But, maybe in your situation, you will just have to make the decision. It sounds like that your dad is ready to break down phiscially.. It could be on a tempary arragement--even for a month or so. Just to give your dad a break. It will be so very rough but sounds like a this point, it should be done.
I am a care-giver--taken care of the elderly for 15 plus years. Worked in a hospital for 13 years before that. So really I feel pretty hard-hearted at times but I love the elderly dearly.
This really has not been full of advice but sometimes just knowing someone cares and will listen--helps.
The best of luck to you and your family. Don't know if you believe in God--but I will be praying for you

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You must consider the saftey of both parents in this situation, if your dad went out to the store would your mom allow a stranger in the house? Dementia is one of those things that completly change a person from whom they once were. The person living with your father is no longer your mother, that is sometimes the best way to think of it and you must do everything in your power to keep this person safe. Does she still remember how to opperate household appliances? Does she turn the iron off when she is done? Does she eat regular meals and take hers meds? This is all alot of responsibility for your aging father. Have you looked into respite care for her? She can go and stay in a nursing home for a couple of weeks and your dad can have a break and make some decisions. Dementia is a very difficult condition to watch a family member go through. I have worked in a nursing home for 7yrs now and every person is unique in the way they handle this situation. Some people actually do better in a Nursing Home because there are other people like them and they have activities for them to participate in. Just make sure you are comfortable with what ever decision you make and become as educated as possible. Good luck!

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