Is my friend an alcoholic?
Question:
He at least appears sober everytime I see him, is he an alcoholic or would an alcoholic not appear sober for 8 hours straight?
Answers:
Oh yes, an alcoholic can appear sober for 8 hours straight. Don't even think about questioning your friend's drinking problem on that account. He's obviously in deep trouble. Just be ready to take him to detox someday and support him in going to AA meetings.
Sounds like it to me. I know someone who is an alcoholic. She only drinks maybe 2 glasses of wine---but she drinks it EVERY night. She has to have it---won't do without it. When she travels (even in the US) she packs bottles of wine in her luggage so she will have when she gets there. That is an alcoholic, too.
Anyone who can drink 30 beers in one evening----IS an alcoholic. A normal person would be dead from alcohol poisoning from half of that. Sure, he could not drink for 8 hours straight---because he knows when he gets home, it will be an alcohol-free-for-all. Besides---the time he is not drinking during the day---he is still drunk from the night before and recovering..so he can continue that night.
get a conseler for him
everyone hs their own tolerance level. If your friend spends a lot of time thinking about booze, drinking booze and forgetting what he has done then he probably has a problem. I am an alcholic who has not drank in over 20 years. what I have found is that if there is some kind of question about a persons drinking habits, ther more than likely is a problem. A drunk can go for years with out a drink but then go on a one day binge. this too is a problem drinker. if it goes beyond soical drinking then there is a problem.
The answer to your question is yes. Think about it. How much can you drink without passing out? Now, imagine yourself downing a 30-pack. Even over the course of a day... what would that DO to you?
It sounds like you care about your friend a lot, so I won't mince words here. I've had clients in rehab, big guys, who drank less than that, and yes, they were alcoholic. Normal drinkers cannot consume that much in one sitting, whatever their reasons/issues.
What your friend is exhibiting is increased tolerance. This is the first visible symptom of addiction, more famously visible in "hard drugs" such as cocaine, heroin, and meth. Actually, alcoholism is really a mental and physiological addiction to alcohol, not just an affinity for it. It is partly caused by a liver dysfunction--the liver does not break down alcohol in a normal way, and the person becomes easily addicted, first to the feeling of being drunk (which is experienced differently), and eventually to the drug alcohol itself. It takes several years, but the addiction is very powerful, as it works by some of the same neurological pathways as heroin. But unlike heroin, the tolerance and the psychological addiction are more evident and powerful than the physical withdrawal. In fact, what we know as "withdrawal" doesn't set in until the person is already in very bad shape.
Alcoholics do not start out by drinking 24/7, the "skid-row bum" stereotype. The syndrome is progressive, meaning that it takes many years of getting worse and worse before a person loses control over their drinking and it costs them family, job, home, etc. Most start out... just by drinking. And getting drunk. Over and over again.
And an early- or middle-stage alcoholic absolutely would appear sober for 8 hours straight. In fact, probably longer than that. In the earlier stages, the addiction is characterized by attempts to control it, to limit the amount one drinks, or to hide it. It is important to remember that the illness is progressive--that is, it will get worse the longer a person continues to drink. It follows a very predictable course.
As a friend, it's very easy to rationalize a problem away. "It's so-and-so, I know him, and he's not like THOSE people. So he can't be an alcoholic." Or so the logic goes. Or to hide the problem. "Well, I'm not in a position to judge. If he wanted to, he'd stop; I have to respect his wishes." Our instinct is to protect those we care about from pain or embarrassment, and ultimately to preserve the relationship.
But backing off will hurt more than help him. You're dealing with a terminal illness, the main symptom of which is *lying to oneself*. So, you ARE in a position to judge. You can see his behavior for what it is.
Of course, don't come off as accusational. Here's a good approach, recommended by AA.
*First, educate yourself about alcohol addiction and its symptoms. A book I can't recommend more highly is "Beyond the Influence" by Katherine Ketcham. It describes the disease in full detail and will help you to understand what your friend's behavior means.
*Approach him when he's hung over or otherwise feeling down or remorseful. More receptive than if he's drunk or on a bender.
*Describe what you see. Be specific, but use emotionally neutral language. You might want to jot down recent incidents that alarmed you in some way. And of course, the 30-pack-a-day is evidence in and of itself.
*Tell him honestly how you feel. As in, "WHEN I see you drinking XYZ amount of liquor and doing XYZ behavior, I FEEL sad/helpless/alarmed/worried, whatever." Avoid making interpretations or accusations like, "you're out of control" or "you're totally F--ing up your life."
*Have a plan in place, if he does hear you out. Chances are, he's been secretly worried about this himself. He may not want to stop, but he may "want to want to", or wish he could. Don't be afraid to push him into a treatment program using any leverage you have as a friend. Alcoholics Anonymous is a no-brainer--they've been helping millions of people since the 1930's, and it's free. But if he's really out of control, he may need to start in outpatient therapy. These work on a sliding scale depending on your income, so "I can't afford it" is never an excuse. He undoubtedly spends twice as much on booze.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.
Good luck. I'm sure he's lucky to have you as a friend.
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