How do you say good bye to someone you love that has only months to live?
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I know how hard this is. I have brain cancer. We don't know how long I have; everyone has their own opinion.
What I don't like is someone who avoids me because they are uncomfortable and don't know what to say. They think I don't want to talk about it. But they are wrong. I do want to talk about it. It helps me put things in perspective. It also reminds me that my time is limited and that I should enjoy every single day.
DO be a best friend - by calling her daily to simply say, "hey, I'm thinking about you",
DO pick fresh flowers out of your garden and take them to her. Explain how these flowers make you think of her.
DO tell her how special she is and what a difference she has made in your life. Tell her what you have learned from her.
DO things for her to help; especially as her time dwindles. Make dinners to freeze, help with household chores, offer run errands for and with her.
DO listen when she wants to talk and cry. Most times, words are not needed from you. What is needed is your love and your time. She needs someone to listen to her. Really LISTEN!
DO NOT cry incessantly. Your friend needs you and your strength right now and while it is okay to cry, don't make it the totality of your time together.
DO NOT talk about how unfair this is. We are all dealt our own hand in life and it is how we deal with it that truly speaks to our character. No one goes without some kind of issues or problems.
DO NOT be minimalistic or blase about the cancer. Do not minimalize her concerns or fears. They are real and are rational. She doesn't need you to tell her that you're tired of hearing about it. Think of how tired she is of dealing with it.
DO NOT tell her that everything will be all right. With all due respect, you are not a medical professional and are not qualified to give that diagnosis.
My heart goes out to you. Most times, people don't know what to say and so they back away from their family one or friend who so desperately needs them at their critical time. There is no more lonely feeling than thinking that your family and friends don't care, when in fact, they are just scared.
tell him how you feel and thank him for the beautiful memories and how he touched your heart?
you dont just enjoy the time you have with her now and make the best of it. she knows its going to be hard for everyone especially her. make sure she knows that you appreciate her and you appreciate the time you've had with her and dont be afraid to tell her that you love her either
Do fun things with her. Take her to dinner talk and laugh. Take her to fun places. Make it worth while. Just think of the positive. But it is ok to be sad too. Talk to her about it. It will help you and her. And she probably doesnt want you to think of the bad but the good. And just remember when she does pass she is watching over you and smiling down. She doesnt want to see you dwelling but smiling that she is in a better place now.
Personally, I would not say "good-bye." I would just try to stay as upbeat as possible, especially around her. Be there for her and be positive and do fun things together and make her laugh. That is the best medicine. Saying "good-bye" in any form seems morbid. It is not good bye at all.
Well I would just remember that tomorrow isn't here, let alone 4 weeks, or 6 weeks, or however long. All anybody has is today. Just because you happen to know someone probably won't make it too long shouldn't change that. If a car killed you tomorrow, maybe she should've been the one saying goodbye, eh?
Besides, those estimates often don't hold up. Where I work we have a client that has terminal cancer and was given a month to live well over a year ago. You really never can tell anyways. Just be super happy and positive, so that atleast her time here can be well spent. I imagine the last thing a person wants to think about is their own fate.
Just be the same way you always been to her, don't change your ways because this is the way she know you., Be their and help her, until the end. sorry and good luck. and God bless.
You dont have to say good bye.As long as you hold her in your heart,she will never leave you.Enjoy every moment you have with her,make as many precious memories as you can,you will be thankful you did.Our memories will always stay with us as will our loved ones.God bless you and your friend.
The best thing would be to act as though nothing has changed, but saying that sounds kind of trite when it absolutely has changed. just be her friend. Be there to listen, to do fun things that she's got the energy for, and to help out where you can.
Dear Freind. t is very difficult to say goodbye to someone you love. I had to say goodbye to my mother who just recently died of liver cancer. My sister and I took care of her in her home, it was very painful to watch her suffer everyday, we were there the day she died , holding her hand as she took her last breathe and went to be with the Lord. I is and was very hard to let her go, we know where she is, and shes not suffering anymore. I still have days I miss her dearly , but I wouldnt want her back here to suffer like she was. im sorry to hear about your freind and there is no easy way to say goodbye, just love her while shes still here and remember all the good times and keep her in your heart now and always. may god be with you and your freind.
It's probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. I lost my very best friend 10 years ago to cancer and it was difficult. You just need to be incredibly strong for her and spend as much time as possible with her. Tell her how important she's been in your life, and believe me, she will be with you long after she is physically gone. I still dream of my friend and feel her presence with me when I need it.
i know how you feel my dad passed a few months ago from a liver disease. He got really skinny and sick looking they told him he had less than 6 months and he only lived less than a month.. But he had been sick for a year prior..It was hard but the person who is sick---its good for them to try to accept what is happening is beyond their control and that they are surrounded by ppl who love them. Just take the time before things get worse and tell her how much you love her, how she was a good friend to you and sometimes its good to talk about the past.experiences you had together. About 2 months before my dad passed we would go to the hospital and sit and talk about funny/silly stories from years ago...it made him laugh and smile and sometimes thats just what a sick person needs to not have to think about death all the time. It can be depressing. Above all say what you want to say to her while you have the chance most of all dont leave on harsh words because with being sick you never know how long left. I guess that advice would be good 4 everyone cuz we never know when our last day will be. Im sorry you are going through this but eventually she will be in a better place spiritually and you always have the memories...
keep the normalcy of things . Enjoy what you both have left together . Write a letter from the heart .. read the letter to her when the time comes . Your heart will know .
i went through this last year with a loved one. We tried to not focus on the sad upcoming departure...but stayed happy and optimistic. This is not the end of life.it is just time for another chapter. The everafter life is the real thing and one that will last forever. My loved one prepeared for her "trip" and became more aware of the true meaning of life, as if she were going on a long vacation. She became more spiritual and it seemed to make her peaceful. Saying goodbye is very difficult...but remember...you WILL see her again one day. Good Luck Dear!
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