What happened to my self esteem??
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Last year you were just being yourself. You were focused on the real you. You are more than just matter and energy. You are a living, breathing human being capable of joy, anger, sadness, and rebellion.
But somewhere along the way, you got sidetracked. All of us desire pleasure and peace of mind and soul. You just thought you could control how and when you got that, by making yourself into some perfect ideal. And when you lost a little weight, you felt on top of the world. Your self-esteem soared... why? Because a few ounces of phospholipids in your thighs got converted to energy-producing compounds? Great reason to feel worth something. But it's so easy. It's so predictable. Let's do it again.
What goes up must come down. When you were "in control", you were happy. When you weren't "in control" (i.e., the energy molecules in your body went back into the fat cells where they belonged), then you felt terrible. You must be the worst person alive. You can't even turn oxygen into carbon dioxide without screwing it up. You, you, you, you defective bionic machine, you!
No wonder you're miserable.
Give it up. You're not a number! Ticking off the scale isn't going to make you happy, so throw it away. You're better than that. Remember a time when you were in love with life. You couldn't be all you wanted to be all the time, but darnit, you learned from those mistakes. You made limeade when the world gave you lemons, and you squirted it smack in the devil's eye.
Seriously, throw the scale away. It's not doing you any good. And as a side note, malnutrition will totally kill your sex drive and give you anxiety/depression to boot. Your body is designed to maintain itself well as long as you feed it properly.
some people use a pad of fat to insulate themselves.
i know when i start losing weight i start eating and put it back on - it is a form of protection but unhealthy
the grass always seems greener. learn to be happy with yourself the way you are.
I don't really know why you feel this way but if it helps I go through the same thing. I exercise every day and really watch what I eat. I take the bread off of everything, have only a bite of cake, eat low cal high protein stuff. I'm always hungry, and if I eat anything fattening I beat myself up afterwards. I dont know if there is any answer to it, but you might want to try having a cheat day where you allow yourself to eat anything you want as a reward for eating right all week. And remember life is too short to be obsessed about anything.
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